De Ja Vu. Time for Some Adjustments.

Have you ever been in a situation or place... where you felt like you had been there before.  It was so familiar that you felt like you were re-living it.   Yes, I'm talking about De ja Vu!  We've all had moments where we've experienced that feeling and we felt connected to that moment like we were stopped in time somehow.    This past week-end, I experienced De Ja Vu in a different sense.    I had been doing some reading and came across an article that captured my attention.   At the top of the page was the number 85 and then the percentage sign.  85% in a rather large font.

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Well, if you have read my blog from the beginning, you will know that 85% is a special number to me as it represents some very sound advice that my mentor gave me ... many years ago.  My blog was about Attitude.  If you haven't read it, please feel free to go into my archives and bring it back to life.   Short version of the advice was that my mentor drew a "pie chart" showing one part with the number 15% and the larger portion with a huge 85%.   The lesson was that 85% of our success in sales or life for that matter was attitude and only 15% was skill.    It's valuable advice and one that we should all remember in good times and bad.  Chin Up!  

Now... as I looked at this article... I thought... how ironic... what a sense of De Ja Vu... to see that number again... so I began reading.   The article was on communication.   According to numerous surveys, approximately 85% of our success in life is attributed directly to our communication and relationship building skills.   Could there be a direct connection in this piece of valuable information and the information I was given so many years ago... I definitely believe that they both walk hand in hand.   Why?

Relationships are one of the foundations in our lives. Communication, to me, is the heart and soul of every relationship you have, whether it's business or personal.  Communication skills are not always easy nor are they everyone's best asset.   Most relationships that have open and continuous dialogue last longer and are healthier according to this article than those that struggle with communication.   So... wouldn't it make sense that having a positive attitude would be a complement to building solid relationships?  We all know that negativity is like a disease... once it sets in... it's hard to get rid of it.   We've all experienced it at work, at home.. basically everywhere.  So... yes... it makes sense that attitude would be linked to our communication skills.   The more I thought about this... the more I agreed.

We've all been in relationships that have run their course for whatever reason.  Have you ever thought about what made them fail?   Have you taken time to really take a look at your own participation within them and been honest with yourself about your own attitude and your communication skills?  I think that we are all guilty of thinking that we aren't to blame for relationships gone bad... when the reality is... we equally share the blame with the other person.

 What happens when you're in a relationship and the communication lacks or is one-sided?   Have you ever been in a discussion... and you got frustrated because you weren't getting your point across or better yet, because you couldn't understand the other person's point?  Have you ever given a presentation where you were trying to convey an idea or thought... and your audience sat there with the deer-in-headlights look?   Have you ever been mad or upset and you were given the silent treatment when all you wanted to do was talk (communicate) to work through the problem?

We've all had our share of communication issues and if we ask ourselves honestly, we've all been at fault for failing in them at one time or another.   How do we avoid this?  How can we become effective communicators so that we don't get frustrated or felt we lacked in this area?  As I read this article, I sat there and tried to really open my mind and was shocked at their answer to these questions.  Okay... maybe, not shocked, but surprised.   The key to effective communication, first and foremost is to be an effective listener.   Interesting, right?    As I thought about this, I began to see and agree with the logic.  If we become a good listener, then we will be more apt to think and choose our words more carefully.

For me... I think there are certain situations where we excel in communications and others where we fail significantly.   I know that whenever I have to get up in front of a group of people... no matter how big or small... I'm always nervous.  I was once told... that's a good sign.   Usually, when I get up there... I'm able to calm down and go on about my business... but it's always scary.   I tried to think if I had ever been given any advice about communicating through-out my career and I remembered that I had when I began having to present at board meetings and larger events.   A good friend of mine said to me... it's okay to be nervous, that gets your adrenaline going, when you get up in front of people... imagine that you are having a conversation with one of them.  Speak like you would.. in everyday life.  Don't be anything that you're not... Be yourself.

Today, as I think about that... I know that they were right.  I'm sure there are many more articles out there that provide great tips on being a better communicator.   We could all use a brush up, I'm sure.  For me, I'm going to remind myself to be a better listener.  I know that from time to time, we all forget to do this... and honestly, doesn't the person we are conversing with or presenting to .... deserve that.

85%.   De Ja Vu.. over and over again... twenty something years later.   I think in both cases... sound advice deserves sound action.   Communication is the key to every successful relationship and it's definitely the core.   We should all take a few moments to evaluate our communication skills in all of our relationships.   We should all take a step back to review our own attitude and the attitude that we are conveying in all of our relationships.  It's easy to slip.  After all , we are human and we all deal with ups and downs every single day.   It's just a matter of reminding ourselves to be positive and to look for the positive.   When we do this... it should have a positive impact on our communication and our relationship building.  Then.. we should ask ourselves, are we giving our best effort?   Are we truly trying to listen to what is being said to us so that we have the opportunity to really think about our own answers?  If we aren't...

It's time... we start.

Are You Listening? We ARE...

Are you listening?   We are... loud and clear.    This past week-end,  I had another really bad restaurant experience and my table wasn't the only one.   We were at a casual dining concept on a Saturday afternoon after a day of shopping.   It was raining, so there were a good number of people waiting for tables.   We opted to sit at a booth inside the bar area since those were first come, first serve.   We were greeted by a very friendly bartender who got our table bussed right away and asked for our drink orders.   As we were sitting there, a manager came up to our table and asked if we were okay.   Since we had just sat down, we had no idea for his visit.   Behind us, the group waved him over and proceeded to share with him their issues.   They had waited more than an hour and a half for their food and the server had not taken care of them in a way that was acceptable.   After overhearing this conversation, I got a little concerned, but we decided to give them the benefit of the doubt.   In hindsight, we should have just left and went with our second choice.

Our server came over and asked if anyone had gotten our drinks.  We told her that the bartender had and she made some type of scowl and then asked for them again.  We obliged and off she went.  While she was gone, the bartender brought over the drinks and chatted for a few minutes engaging us in some conversation.   The server came back after a  moderate amount of time (I'm being quite liberal) , made a comment about us getting our drinks and asked for our orders.   Now.. before you think that it was the bartender's responsibility to get our drinks... here are the facts:  We only ordered iced tea.   The bartender had a full bar of folks when we sat down in one of the booths.  The server did not even offer us refills at this point... and yes, that's how long she was gone.  

 The first thing I noticed about our server is she seemed miserable, but the second thing was she seemed irritated, unlike the bartender who was smiling and engaging... showing off his winning personality.    I shrugged it off to rainy blues for her and told myself not to judge.   We gave our orders only to have her come back a few minutes later and tell me they were out of what I had ordered.  I was so irritated at this point.. that I was beginning to think we should have definitely heeded the advice of the earlier table complaining.  I re-ordered... and waited.   During the time that she left and came back... another server was checking on tables and we overheard him saying to other customers that these weren't his tables but he was trying to find out what was going on and that he would try to take care of them.   Our original server walked by when he was telling these customers this and said to him " These are my tables".  Loudly... so that most of us overheard the somewhat tense exchange.  I was baffled that they would engage in this type of conversation where customers could hear it much less include them in it.

We waited for a good while... before  another server showed up a little while later with salads and bread and made some comment about us not being his table but he was helping out.  He proceeded to serve our salads and we asked for an extra plate.  He looked at me as if I had grown horns.   He said... well, you aren't my table so I'm not supposed to give you an extra plate and he left the table.  WHAT?     Several minutes later, the friendly bartender was back checking on things and I asked him for a plate.   He went immediately and retrieved a plate and handed it to me.   No sign of our original server.... The alternate server and the bartender refilled our  tea several times... so you can get an idea of how long we are waiting.    The original server never re-filled our glasses, not once.

We were in an area where there were 4 or 5 booths in a row and apparently our server was waiting on all of them but one.  All of the parties had sat down at about the same time as we did with the exception of one.   There was a booth on the end, who had been there as long as we had... but still had yet to give an order.   The table behind us had ordered and already received food.   The table on the other side was finishing and trying to get their check.    As I sat there... pondering this whole situation... we all had one common denominator in common... the same server.

Next... our food came out... but one order was missing.  I asked if it was on it's way and the person who brought the food said that it should be right out.   Etiquette says that if food is hot, everyone should start eating even though not everyone has their food, so yours doesn't get cold... but this really makes me uncomfortable.   Secondly, after tasting our food, it was obvious, that it had been sitting back there for a short while... as it was not hot, more of a lukewarm.   Several more minutes went by and our original server shows back up and asks if everything is okay all while telling us that she has no help and is having to take care of a party of 10.  At this point, I could care less who she's taking care of... I just want to know where our other order is and why it hasn't come out.    I looked at her and said... can you check on our other order, please.     She mumbled at me that she would and left.   More minutes pass... and still no word from the server.  

Finally, a manager walked by, apparently having gotten wind that more problems were happening... and asked if everything was okay.  I told her we were missing an order... and she told me she'd check on it immediately and she left.   While she was gone, the original server came back and said.. "I told the manager that there was no food over here and the chef lied to me and told me it was on the table.".   Then she said, "I'm not getting in trouble for this".   I just looked at her and bit my tongue in half.   The manager came back with the missing order and sat it down.   She waited for the server to leave and then she apologized for the confusion and mix-up and chatted for a few minutes.  She was apparently trying to make things okay.  I said to her that it appeared they were having some issues tonight... and she did smile warmly and said " yes".    Nothing more, nothing less.  I am sure that was the appropriate way to handle the question, but honestly, at that point, I think I would have just removed the server.   She was doing more harm than good.

By the time they brought the last order, everyone had finished their meals, which was embarrassing.  Secondly, after hearing that the order had been lost... well, as you can imagine, we were all afraid of where that order had ended up.   We sat there.. just confused when all of a sudden, the original server reappeared with the check.   She did not ask us if we wanted coffee or dessert.  She did not apologize.  She did not smile.  She did not say anything except, "let me know when you want me to take this".

I opened the check, expecting for the manager to have given some type of discount.  Surprise.  Nothing.  Full price.   Now... I'm not one to expect favors or things given to me... but honestly, after this experience, they should have comped the entire meal.  The tables behind us were also complaining and in my opinion, they should have comped theirs as well.

Customer loyalty and retention is key to a businesses success.   Service is the priority and honestly, why you would put someone in front of your customers who CLEARLY does not want to be there just astounds me.   As I sat there trying to figure out this situation, I looked over at the bar where the friendly bartender was engaging his customers, smiling and making sure that they were all happy.   I looked around and saw the alternate server who was flailing trying to figure out who to help and then there was our server who obviously hated her job.  

How do you tip when you've had an experience this bad?  How do you return to a restaurant like this knowing that your experience was not good nor did they seem to really care when it was all said and done.   What makes it difficult for me is that I work in the hospitality industry and I've seen over the top customer experience.  I've seen great customer service and I've seen bad.   I can tell you that the bad... always makes me never want to return and I'm sure.. that I am not the only person who feels this way.  

Have we lowered our standards of customer service?   Have we just gotten to the point where mediocre is okay.   Are we training our employees to the best of our ability?  Are we helping them with people skills?  How could you have 3 different servers in the same area... all with definitely different work ethics, attitudes and training.   I left the restaurant thinking... Are They Listening and finding myself answering... we were... loud and clear.

30 Years and Counting.

Time.   60 seconds in a minute.   60 minutes in an hour.  24 hours in a day.   7 days in a week.  12 months in a year.   Time passes us by as we fill our days with family, friends, and careers.   Memories are what we cherish and reflect as we grow older.  Time... passes and before you know it... 30 years has gone by with the blink of an eye.    This past week-end was my 30 year high school reunion.   Most of you are thinking... IMPOSSIBLE, right?  Yes, it's hard for me to believe that 30 years has gone by from the day I threw the cap and tassle in the air and ventured out into the real world.    Sometimes, when you leave high school, you lose contact with those that you spent 12 years in training to prepare you for greatness.   Sometimes... you don't and those friendships are carried into your adult life and you grow old together.

Whichever happens, a reunion provides the opportunity to reconnect and see how 30 years has changed the lives of those around us.  I didn't attend the 10 year or the 20, so ... for me... going back after 30 was strange.  I didn't know what to expect.   There were a number of individuals who worked really hard to create a complete reunion week-end... and kudos to those guys.   They spent several months and countless hours planning, coordinating and finally executing all of the activities.  They really made the effort to make the whole week-end quite special and they did with great success.    I was out of town for several of the activities and hate I missed out on all the fun.   I'm always up for a great party... especially when it's one where you can actually let loose and say you survived for 30 years.

 My high school class had about 114 in it when we graduated.   Its hard to believe that after 30 years, you would remember faces, but the amazing thing is when you walk into the room... you recognize so many... even without the name tags.  (It's a good thing, too because I couldn't keep mine on... the magnet kept falling down my dress making for a very interesting night! )

I met up with two of my best friends from high school prior to going to the reunion.  I guess you could say... we had a pre-reunion party.   We laughed and one cried, but the result was exactly as I thought it would be... fun.   We had a great time catching up.   We looked at some old photos and personally, I don't think we've changed a bit.  Well, okay... maybe we've gotten a little older, a little wiser but deep inside, we are the same girls from high school.  Thirty years... had been good to all of us.  

As we arrived at the event, it was strange seeing familiar faces that you spent 12 years of your life with who had gone on to live their lives and do amazing things.    The reality is we had all become adults yet in so many ways, we were still those 17 year olds with dreams.    Time.  It passes us by and we can't make it stand still.   We live each day to the fullest, set our goals and reach for our dreams.  We blink... and 30 years has passed and you realize that you're still capable of setting goals and dreams.     Inside each of us are those friendships from high school.  The memories will always be there from the football games, the basketball games, the pep rallies, the science projects, the school newspaper, the sneaking out at night, the sleep-overs, the field trips, the band activities, the break-ups, the crushes... all of those memories are still deep inside each of us.   The night was filled with laughter, tears, stories, dancing, toasts and of course countless photos... all memories to be carried with us for the next 30.  

High school grooms and prepares us for the rest of our lives.  Those 12 years establish our foundation for life.  It's the stage where life long memories play out, both good and bad.    For most of us, it's a foundation that we look back upon fondly.   It's a foundation where we all have certain teachers who were inspiring and mentors to each of us.  It's a time in our lives as we look back that seemed so much simplier than what our own children have now.   We all have friendships that even 30 years can't change.  

So, here's to the Class of 1982 of Lafayette High School and the time we all spent together for 12 years.    May each of you continue to live your lives, find success and happiness and be blessed each and every day.   Time... it never stops but it's up to us.. not to let is pass us by!   Make new memories everyday and the most important thing... have fun and laugh at yourself.