De Ja Vu. Time for Some Adjustments.

Have you ever been in a situation or place... where you felt like you had been there before.  It was so familiar that you felt like you were re-living it.   Yes, I'm talking about De ja Vu!  We've all had moments where we've experienced that feeling and we felt connected to that moment like we were stopped in time somehow.    This past week-end, I experienced De Ja Vu in a different sense.    I had been doing some reading and came across an article that captured my attention.   At the top of the page was the number 85 and then the percentage sign.  85% in a rather large font.

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Well, if you have read my blog from the beginning, you will know that 85% is a special number to me as it represents some very sound advice that my mentor gave me ... many years ago.  My blog was about Attitude.  If you haven't read it, please feel free to go into my archives and bring it back to life.   Short version of the advice was that my mentor drew a "pie chart" showing one part with the number 15% and the larger portion with a huge 85%.   The lesson was that 85% of our success in sales or life for that matter was attitude and only 15% was skill.    It's valuable advice and one that we should all remember in good times and bad.  Chin Up!  

Now... as I looked at this article... I thought... how ironic... what a sense of De Ja Vu... to see that number again... so I began reading.   The article was on communication.   According to numerous surveys, approximately 85% of our success in life is attributed directly to our communication and relationship building skills.   Could there be a direct connection in this piece of valuable information and the information I was given so many years ago... I definitely believe that they both walk hand in hand.   Why?

Relationships are one of the foundations in our lives. Communication, to me, is the heart and soul of every relationship you have, whether it's business or personal.  Communication skills are not always easy nor are they everyone's best asset.   Most relationships that have open and continuous dialogue last longer and are healthier according to this article than those that struggle with communication.   So... wouldn't it make sense that having a positive attitude would be a complement to building solid relationships?  We all know that negativity is like a disease... once it sets in... it's hard to get rid of it.   We've all experienced it at work, at home.. basically everywhere.  So... yes... it makes sense that attitude would be linked to our communication skills.   The more I thought about this... the more I agreed.

We've all been in relationships that have run their course for whatever reason.  Have you ever thought about what made them fail?   Have you taken time to really take a look at your own participation within them and been honest with yourself about your own attitude and your communication skills?  I think that we are all guilty of thinking that we aren't to blame for relationships gone bad... when the reality is... we equally share the blame with the other person.

 What happens when you're in a relationship and the communication lacks or is one-sided?   Have you ever been in a discussion... and you got frustrated because you weren't getting your point across or better yet, because you couldn't understand the other person's point?  Have you ever given a presentation where you were trying to convey an idea or thought... and your audience sat there with the deer-in-headlights look?   Have you ever been mad or upset and you were given the silent treatment when all you wanted to do was talk (communicate) to work through the problem?

We've all had our share of communication issues and if we ask ourselves honestly, we've all been at fault for failing in them at one time or another.   How do we avoid this?  How can we become effective communicators so that we don't get frustrated or felt we lacked in this area?  As I read this article, I sat there and tried to really open my mind and was shocked at their answer to these questions.  Okay... maybe, not shocked, but surprised.   The key to effective communication, first and foremost is to be an effective listener.   Interesting, right?    As I thought about this, I began to see and agree with the logic.  If we become a good listener, then we will be more apt to think and choose our words more carefully.

For me... I think there are certain situations where we excel in communications and others where we fail significantly.   I know that whenever I have to get up in front of a group of people... no matter how big or small... I'm always nervous.  I was once told... that's a good sign.   Usually, when I get up there... I'm able to calm down and go on about my business... but it's always scary.   I tried to think if I had ever been given any advice about communicating through-out my career and I remembered that I had when I began having to present at board meetings and larger events.   A good friend of mine said to me... it's okay to be nervous, that gets your adrenaline going, when you get up in front of people... imagine that you are having a conversation with one of them.  Speak like you would.. in everyday life.  Don't be anything that you're not... Be yourself.

Today, as I think about that... I know that they were right.  I'm sure there are many more articles out there that provide great tips on being a better communicator.   We could all use a brush up, I'm sure.  For me, I'm going to remind myself to be a better listener.  I know that from time to time, we all forget to do this... and honestly, doesn't the person we are conversing with or presenting to .... deserve that.

85%.   De Ja Vu.. over and over again... twenty something years later.   I think in both cases... sound advice deserves sound action.   Communication is the key to every successful relationship and it's definitely the core.   We should all take a few moments to evaluate our communication skills in all of our relationships.   We should all take a step back to review our own attitude and the attitude that we are conveying in all of our relationships.  It's easy to slip.  After all , we are human and we all deal with ups and downs every single day.   It's just a matter of reminding ourselves to be positive and to look for the positive.   When we do this... it should have a positive impact on our communication and our relationship building.  Then.. we should ask ourselves, are we giving our best effort?   Are we truly trying to listen to what is being said to us so that we have the opportunity to really think about our own answers?  If we aren't...

It's time... we start.