Without a Mask... You're Gonna Make it After All!

Who am I today?  What mask will I wear?   

 As you read those two questions, you're probably wondering... what mask?   I know who I am.   Well... are you sure that you're the same person day in and day out?  Are there ever days when you find that it's just easier to pretend you're somebody else or maybe not to that extreme, but do you find yourself being in a good mood for the sake of others, when on the inside, you're a train wreck?   Do you find yourself smiling to hide the frown?  Or... are you someone who... regardless of how you feel, you let the world see and know your every mood?   I haven't found many people who willingly shared all of their problems and turmoil with those around them.  Instead... just the opposite.  

Every day, we are different people at various times of day.  We are parents, friends, siblings, co-workers, boss, employee, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, daughter, son, volunteer, caretaker.... and the list goes on and on.   Every day in each of these roles, we have different behaviors.   I guess sometimes it's hard to determine the mask from just changing your roles.... but if you look closely, you'll know when you have on a mask and when you are merely changing your role from mom to friend.  

This past week... I've thought quite a bit about the mask or in many cases, masks... that we all wear at some point in our daily lives.  There are some people who in their jobs, have an elaborate mask that really changes who they are .. into the person they feel they need to be or maybe it's the person that they want to be.     Now, before you pretend to not know what I am referring to about putting on a mask, hear me out.   Every day, we all try to be something to somebody.   Every day, we adapt our personalities to those that we encounter.  Every day, whether at home or at work, we all go through the process of putting on the mask.  Most of the time... you probably don't even realize you're doing it.   I'm sure many as you are reading this, you're saying... no way... I'm the same person every day, inside/outside and to all who know me.   The mask isn't intended to change the wholesomeness of your heart or who you are in any way.  It's not intended to be fake or false,  or even misrepresenting.   In a way, I think of the mask as one that an athlete might wear when playing a sport.  It's there for protection and safety when we are at our most vulnerable.

 Do we do this so that those closest to us won't see the real person?  Do we do it to try and make others happy?    Do we do it to protect the deepest part of us that we may not want others to gain a closer glimpse?  Do we find that it's easier to pretend to be in a good mood than share our bad mood with our co-workers?   Do we find that somewhere down inside, we'd like to be somebody else even if it's only for a short period of time?    I am sure that its one of these, several of these or all of these.

For me, I know that I have on occasions in the past, donned several masks over the course of my careers and even in my personal life. I guess the most significant time was during the illness of my parents and the period following their passing.  It was a very hard time for me... and the grief was overwhelming.  I just didn't feel comfortable sharing that with every person because in my own way, I was struggling and still struggle to this day, with the loss.  Not only did I have a mask for my business colleagues to hide this grief, but one for my family and friends.  I guess I just didn't want them to see how bad I was hurting inside.    This doesn't mean that people don't and didn't  get the real me.  They did, but I think at times, it was just easier to put on a mask of "I'm doing okay" rather than go into detail the struggle of just getting out of bed.

In my first career, young and hungry and quite ambitious, I know that I wore a mask in dealing with clients because I was "green" and I did not want to appear that way.  I wanted to be seen as confident, successful and knowledgeable.  As I grew into my role and job, I realized that the success of the job wasn't the masks or the skills, it was the relationships and as I allowed the mask to come off and the relationships became real, my success went through the roof.  I found that by simply being myself that I opened myself up to so many rewarding relationships that are still in place today.

Again, I think that at times, we don't even realize we put the mask on.  I think that when we do it,  it just means that we don't always want to place our problems or burdens upon other people.   It means that if we're going through a tough time, we may not want to share it or feel comfortable enough to share it.   It means that if we're dealing with something very close to our heart or we've been hurt, we may not want the outside world to see.  It means that if we wake up and feel yucky, sometimes, we pretend to feel better than we do so that others won't be brought down.   Yes... We all have done this and we've all put on a mask or two at some point.  We all have our own ways of getting through life's stress, hurts and pains.

Sometimes the mask...helps us to cope with things that we've tried to hide and maybe not for a good reason.    I've thought about the thousands of women and men,  for that matter,  who deal with domestic abuse, verbal abuse or any kind of abuse... and the masks of courage and bravery that most of them wear before finally feeling like they can face the truth and the world.   Again, is it for protection and safety?   I'd like to think that the mask whether its on in times of trouble, everyday life or to protect your heart, is there to use when you feel you need it.   It's your decision whether you will allow anyone into your life mask off.

What happens if we all take off all the masks?   Our lives aren't always picture perfect.   Our lives aren't always pretty and put together.  We aren't always the person that people have a perception of who we are inside.  I guess the reality is, the reason that most of us have the mask in the first place, is somewhere along the way, we've experience hurt, disappointment, loss or rejection.  The mask again... allows us safety and protection of our hearts.  

 As we all deal with trials, tribulations and even triumphs, we find certain people that we want to see us with the mask off in every situation and gradually, we get to the point where with them... we never even pick it up.    Isn't it amazing how somebody comes into your life and you feel such a connection that your vulnerability and guard let down.  It amounts to love and trust and all good things that come with it.  Many times in our lives, we feel this with more than one person... maybe it's our significant other, our best friend, our children, our parents.... I'd like to think that we are all very capable of allowing more than one person see us as we truly feel day in and day out.  

As I've grown older, hopefully much wiser from life's lessons, failures and successes,  through the years, I found the need for the mask to not be as important as it once did in my life.  I, now, realize that by wearing the masks, I didn't open myself up to fully allow others to see the struggles that I went through, both career wise and personally,  and that I was missing out on something vitally important.  Support and encouragement.  Once all your facades are gone and you really get to know somebody, you open yourself up to love and trust in ways that you never have before in relationships. In business, you open yourself up for a relationship that allows you to also become friends and have an open dialogue of honesty and trust.

For me, I know that as I have gotten to know people and really engaged with them, my relationships thrived and became more meaningful and fruitful.   It's okay... to let others know you're hurting or sad, angry or whatever you may be going through.   If they are truly your friend or love you, they'll be the first to help you through it and you never know what piece of advice they may offer that might just help you through.   In business, you don't have to dump every single personal thing on our business colleagues, but we can open ourselves up so that they are not just colleagues, they are our friends as well.

In ending this blog, I'm reminded of the smile that comes on my face every single time I hear the theme song to the Mary Tyler Moore Show... somehow... it always reminds me that the need for a mask is long gone.  

Who can turn the world on with her smile? 

Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile? 

Well it's you girl, and you should know it 

With each glance and every little movement you show it 

Love is all around, no need to waste it 

You can have a town, why don't you take it 

You're gonna make it after all 

You're gonna make it after all 

How will you make it on your own? 

This world is awfully big, girl this time you're all alone 

But it's time you started living 

It's time you let someone else do some giving 

Love is all around, no need to waste it 

You can have a town, why don't you take it 

You're gonna make it after all 

You're gonna make it after all

Thankful and So Much More....

It's hard to believe that we are almost to the end of November.  The days are shorter with darkness showing up at 5 pm and the nights have turned crisp and cool.   The leaves have all changed to vivid colors of orange, red and yellow that cast a beauty that seems surreal at times.  I am so fortunate to live in an area where you can truly appreciate the season and it is my favorite, for there is nothing quite like the turning of the leaves.   The last couple of months have been busy... and now,  it's hard to believe that another year is almost done.  

Anyone that knows me... knows that I love the holidays.  All of them.   Any occasion to be festive, creative and be with my crazy Clampett family. This week, we'll celebrate America's holiday.... Thanksgiving.  We've been celebrating it officially since 1863 when President Lincoln proclaimed that a national day of Thanksgiving be held the fourth Thursday of every November, although we know that many "thanksgivings" were held prior to that date.   We all refer to the very first Thanksgiving as the one held in 1621 by the pilgrims and their Native American allies where they were giving thanks to God for guiding them to the new world and providing a bountiful harvest.  They held a celebratory feast that lasted 3 days.

Nowadays... the entire month of November,  we are reminded to be thankful and we all set aside this one day a year to spend it with our family and friends to give thanks.   For me... Thanksgiving has always been a favorite from the planning of the menu, the shopping, the cooking, the Macy's parade,  the football, the eating and of course, the annual Rook card game that always took place.    Then of course, after the final meal on Thanksgiving night... the planning of the Black Friday excursion that has turned out in recent years to be comical, exhausting and something that has become a tradition.   Even though I may not need one single thing... just the thrill of it excites me watching all the people get up at 2 and 3 am standing in line, camping out...  ready to  run, grab and seize the bargains.   It's so amusing and yes, there I am right there in the middle of it.   I'm already waiting in anticipation of "the deal of 2011" and planning my pirate map of strategy.   (This way.. you hit all the stores during the peak times to get the best deals!)

The holidays are a little more difficult for me since the passing of my parents and this will be the 2nd year without both of them...... it's like I have nowhere to go "home" to... and sometimes that thought overwhelms me.   It's also in those moments that the true meaning of Thanksgiving shines down upon me.  I am grateful and extremely thankful that for 45 years,  I was able to spend it with them and I know my greatest blessings and riches are my memories of them and time spent with them.

I have many other things in my life that I am thankful and grateful for and I am sure that my list is similar to yours.  I've been very fortunate to have been blessed with healthy and happy children who have grown into wonderful adults.  I am thankful for a blue eyed, blonde headed 3 year old who tears my heart up in all the right ways.   I'm grateful for my Clampett family who always make me laugh and whenever we are together, there's always something fun in the making.   I am thankful for the  many friends I have,  from all walks of life,  and I'm often reminded that whenever I'm feeling alone or needing a laugh, there's always somebody to share a conversation, or text.  (These days... it's all about the texting!!!!)   I am grateful to love what I do work wise and have a passion for creating events that are truly a labor of love.   I really try to be thankful all through-out the year, but its nice to know that we all have this one day where we can set aside everything else and enjoy it with those we love and celebrate.

 I'm also reminded that during this time of year, there are those who are not as fortunate and those who need  a hot meal or warm clothes.   We should all be of heart to "give back" in our communities.   There are many worthwhile organizations who ensure that your time, donations, or help goes to benefit those who truly need it.   It also does something amazing for your heart knowing that you helped someone less fortunate.

So... as this week begins,  I'll pull out my mother's recipes which are one of my most treasured and prized possessions.   I'm sure I will never live up to her superb cooking skills for the holidays, but, I'll cook  with the same love that she did for so many years.  I'll plan and prepare... and try to perfect the recipes just as she did... although, most of you know that your mothers never use recipes.  They just put in a pinch of this, a pinch of that... stir... and as I have often told my mother... all she ever had to do was stick her finger in it and it was delicious.   (Oh... could I only be that lucky one day!)

This Thanksgiving, I'll enjoy time with my family and eventually,  as my adult children leave to go to their other stops that day... I'll take a few moments to reflect on how much my life has changed over the years and through it all... I am so thankful that the blessings are still overflowing.   Life is a journey and we all go through trials, tribulations and triumphs.    Its up to us to make it the best journey it can be filled with love, laughter and life.  

May you all have safe travels, a blessed holiday and most of all a reflection and insight that we all have something to be thankful for in our lives.  

Happy Thanksgiving!


(By the way... don't forget to take the giblets out of the turkey before cooking!)  (And yes... my very first one years ago... ... I didn't take them out!)  YIKES!!!!
  

The Art of Conversation... what an Exchange!

Seems I've been slacking on the writing lately.... but not without good reason.   The last 6-8 weeks have been hectic and busy focusing on a brand new event for the hospitality industry.  Yes... a new launch.... a new concept and, YES...  it was amazing.  Hospitality Business Exchange.  From start to finish... the goal never changed in creating and developing something unique for the industry.   The event focused on one-on-one meetings, networking and an exchange of ideas, insights and information.   With every new venture or idea, you're always hoping for the best... and with this dynamic concept... my fingers and toes have been crossed for quite awhile.

The hard work, effort, stress and craziness was all worth it when it was all said and done.  More than 80 food and beverage professionals gathered in a luxurious resort for 2 1/2 days where business became productive, simple and back to the basics.  Isn't it amazing that we all forget the key element of success?  We get so wrapped up in closing the sale or meeting our goals, but we forget the real reward in our business or personal lives.  Relationships.    Conversation.   Well... I think the exchange accomplished both in a great way!

I have to give a huge shout-out to those dear friends, suppliers, buyers... who from start to finish... helped with ideas and topics.  They had no idea how it would all turn out.. but their belief that I could pull this off never waivered.   Those that were somewhat doubtful, but you hung in there with me anyway... I'm so very glad you did.   It was not an easy journey by any means...but... we made it!

The event was dubbed "beta-test" by me early on in the process... it was something completely new to me as well as those we were trying to convince that it would be the greatest thing since the invention of the ipod.. ipad... iphone4?   (You get the point!)    So... with fresh ideas, a determination and passion that many have seen from me in the days of yesteryear... our goal was to launch a new event in a totally new format that centered around face-to-face.   That's right.. one-on-one!     Relationships and Conversation.   The other focus... keep it small.   Don't try to get every single person you can.  Make it exclusive and intimate.  (yep...that's practically unheard of, I know.)

 Imagine that... an event where SMALL is the NEW BIG.    As the event began... I was hopeful that the majority of those in attendance would like the format and concept and feel that their time was well spent and productive and that being a participant was really valuable.   The outcome was so much more than I could have hoped for by closing night.   Everyone was really interacting and enjoying the closeness of a small group.   Conversations were endless and fruitful.   Business was getting done in a very highly focused arena yet relaxed, comfortable and intimate.

I'm overwhelmed by all of the positive comments from friends and colleagues.  I learned quite a bit about myself during the planning, coordination and execution of this event.  ( I think I learned something about those there as well!)   If you have a passion and belief, don't settle... take the risk and go for it.   The other thing that was reconfirmed to me is that regardless of where you end up in your life.. you should never risk your relationships.   They are your most valuable asset.

For those friends and colleagues who were there... thank you doesn't seem adequate enough to show appreciation for your friendship, confidence, support and belief that we could create something new, fresh, innovative in such a small arena... but when all was said and done... we did.

The exchange of dialogue was open and ongoing.  Our industry has changed and evolved... and there's an exciting buzz about something completely off the radar that allows us to keep our cost down, yet yield high results.   The best news of all is that the conversation continues and ideas are already flowing for the next exchange.   I'm looking forward to it and I hope you are as well.   If you're in a meeting with a key buyer or supplier... make sure to mention it.    (Also... if you're on facebook - LIKE US on our new page - Hospitality Business Exchange or if you tweet, please follow me jenrobinson09 or hbe5.   You can also find me on LINKEDIN.

Geez.. looks like I'm everywhere!!!

By the way... I found some fabulous new recipes for some tasty beverages!  Have you tried Monin's Apple Pie flavor... oh my goodness!  (They also have Blueberry, Blackberry, Pomegranate and so many many more!!!!)