Letting go means you relinquinsh the worries, the concerns, the cares. Letting go means you no longer allow something to drive you or carry you. Letting go means... you are finally giving in or giving up. Right? I have sat and thought about this a lot. What does letting go really mean?
Every day, we wake up and are blessed to face a new day. We have the ability each day to smile and embrace life's challenges or to allow the challenges to take over and control us. Stress is a daily part of our lives. Sometimes, stress is good and sometimes it's very bad. Breaking bad habits and getting out of old patterns seems to be a tough step to take, especially, when we've embedded ourselves in such a routine. How do we simply "let go"? How do we stop and choose another path?
As a parent, we are often faced with a time in our lives when our children grow up, become adults and we are faced with the task of "letting go". We have loved them all their lives and to some extent, in our eyes, they will always be our babies. The truth is I believe that it's harder on the parent than the adult child. I remember when my daughter moved out right after she graduated college. I felt like part of me left with her. She didn't move far and we still saw each other every day... but there was something about the fact that she felt like she was ready to fly the coop, so to speak. I tried to think back to my own "coming of age" moment and I realized that my own mother probably experienced the same feelings. Recently, my son... who is the baby.... has decided it's his time to go. This time the feelings are overwhelming and for some reason, just a bit more difficult. I don't know if it's because he's the last one to go... or if the feelings of growing older are crashing down. I know that in the end, things will settle down and work out, but for now... I guess the empty nest syndrome has truly hit. Both of my parents are gone and now... the children have flown the coop.... and the letting go just seems to be more painful. I know that this will pass... these feelings of being in an empty house. I know each day it will get better.
I keep trying to tell myself that letting go will allow all of the feelings of anxiousness and depression to find another home. I keep telling myself that just because my upstairs is empty... doesn't mean there's nobody there. I keep thinking about my heart shattering... when the moment came and he loaded up his things and drove away. As I sit here... my house is still and the tears flow freely. The stress of feeling like he's gone and not coming back is overwhelming. I feel angry. I feel sad. I feel lost. No, actually, I feel a lot LOST. Who am I kidding?
I am sure that the worries won't go away or the concerns... and I am sure that the feeling of loneliness won't leave anytime soon... but, I know that it's time to let go. Finding a way to accept things that we can't control is one of the hardest things we do every day.
Every day... we have a choice to let go or hang on. Sometimes, hanging on means we prolong the eventual decision that we know we have to make. I've tried to find a witty antedote or some inspiring quote that could help to lighten the mood.. but the truth is... isn't this what makes life... life. The ever-changing cycle of life where we all grow up, become adults and go out and do great things in the world. All I could find is that there is a balance we all have to find... one where we hold on... and one where we know it's time to let go.
I've done all I can do... now... it's time for their wings to spread and to fly and soar as I know that they can and will. The journey to 50 continues to have bumps in the road... and every day is a new adventure.
