Faith, Family and Finding Your Way

I've been wanting to write this post for quite some time, but the words were somewhat of a jumbled mess.  For those who know me... know that for 45 years, I was lucky and blessed to talk or see my parents everyday.   Most people probably won't understand how powerful that statement is...but for me... it's one that I think about often with my own children.  I want that same kind of relationship.  I want to be part of their lives, sharing their joys, failures, triumphs and experiencing life.  No... that doesn't mean that I want to run their lives, because they are adults afterall but family is the bond that is always there and this past year.... I realize that more than ever.  This post is not about my kids or my parents.  It's about the lesson that my brother taught me this past year.  Every time I've attempted to write this, my emotions get the best of me.  I get overwhelmed and stop.  Last night, I was dropping off some things at my brother's house for his grandbaby (my great niece) and as we sat there talking... I knew that it was time to write down the feelings.  This will be a long post... so bear with me, but I feel like it's time to tell my brother's story (from my perspective.).  

One year ago, my brother had what we all thought was a major sinus infection.  He's had these before and like most men (and even women) hates going to the doctor.  Typically, with a sinus infection, a steroid shot will knock it out and put him back on his feet.  This time... something was different.  He was in great pain, to the point where he could not even hold his head up.  My sister-in-law took him to the local hospital where they placed him in the trauma ER and discovered that his blood sugar had skyrocketed... above 600.  Now... I am not sure how much you know about blood sugar, but this is a dangerous number for so many reasons.  ( Before we go any further... let me say this...my brother is one of the healthiest people I know.  He would walk 6-7 miles a day, eat all the right things, and really watched his diet. Out of all of my parents children, he is definitely not the one that I would have thought to have high blood sugar. ).   They admitted him to the hospital and placed him immediately into ICU.  For 24 hours.... they were trying to figure out what was wrong... and running tests and things seem to be getting worse.  As I sat in the ICU waiting room with my brothers family, I realized one thing... no matter what goes on in life... family... is the bond that is forever there.  You can fight, be mad at each other, not see each other every day or see each other every day... but when the tough gets going... it's family that you lean on.  My brother was transferred to Memphis after he began to lose sight in one eye.  He was again placed in ICU.   They transferred him in the middle of the night... and one of the scariest things is walking into an ICU waiting room at 3 in the morning.  To be honest... it's a bit overwhelming.  The Clampetts (that is what I call my family) walked in with our pillows and found us a corner and tried to get 30 minutes of sleep here and there.... only to be wakened by sobs and cries of the family next door and their loved one going into code blue... and then an hour later, stabilized and they celebrated with fried chicken.  Yes... this truly happened.  

Over the next two weeks, the ICU waiting room became our home.  My brothers family and mine.  We took turns going out to get food, take naps and wait for word on his progress.  During this time, the doctors were continuing to find out what was wrong... and how to treat it.  By this time, my brother had lost all sight in his right eye.  He had a doctor for everything.  Finally, they discovered that my brother had a fungus that had invaded his body's immune system and taken over.  WHAT?  Yes... that's exactly what we said... but the way it was explained to us is that we breathe in fungus every day of our lives... when we have healthy immune systems... our bodies fight off these fungi.... when our immune systems are compromised... and in my brothers case, his blood sugar was over 600.... it gives the fungus a way to come in and take over the body.   During our time in Memphis, my brother had a sinus surgery, was placed on anti fungal medicines and went through so many needle pricks that I lost count.  Through-it all.... his faith never waivered nor did his family.   My brother's wife is a nurse as is his oldest daughter... and honestly.... I pray for those who don't have loved ones in the medical field who are in these situations.  (One thing to note... my niece was around 7 1/2 /8 months pregnant at the time my brother was admitted to the hospital, so to say we were not only worried about him... but her as well. )

  Every day that we were in Memphis... it was one thing after another... there wasn't much positive news.  They called in neurosurgeons who discovered that the fungus had invaded my brother's skull base, his internal carotid as well as spinal cord.  It was basically everywhere.  Over the course of 2 weeks, every day ... the doctors and their residents would come in and take my brother through all of the steps and there was never one thing positive.  It was a very depressing situation.  There was nothing positive.  It was almost as if they were trained to be the bearer of bad news.  They said that there was nothing that could be done... and that there was not a neurosurgeon at Somme's Murphy that would operate because the type of fungus that my brother had and where it was.... was just not an option.  If you ever want to do some reading... just look up Mucor Fungus.  It will scare you to death.  

At this point.... we were all emotionally drained.  My brother was exhausted but he was determined.  He point blank told the family, I'm not giving up.  I'm going to do everything they tell me so ya'll don't give up either.   Deep down... I know he had to be scared.  I know he had to be thinking why me?  I know he had to have private cries that I never saw.  We began researching neurosurgeons to find the best one in the country.  At this point, we would have flown to China or wherever.   God works in strange ways and always leads you where you need to be and in this case.... God led us to Little Rock, Arkansas.   There was a neurosurgeon there was was ranked in the top 1% in the world but he had to accept my brother's case.  He did.   I'll never forget the conversation between my sister in law and myself that day.... "are you going to go with us?"  "Yes".  And that was it.  There was never a question.  There was never an expectation.  It was about a family taking care of family.   My task wasn't to take care of my brother.  My task was to help take care of my brother's family, however I could.  

We transferred to Little Rock and again he was placed in ICU.  This time..... it was different.  The hospital was a Catholic hospital and the man we had come to see, was extremely well known for "going places nobody else has gone".   They got my brother situated and immediately began running their tests, the 2nd day we were there.  They had taken him down to do the scans.   At this point, we were introduced to Dr. K's partner, who quietly walked into the waiting room and told us that the fungus had invaded his internal carotid and that it had to be taken down.  I'll never forget the conversation.  My sister in law said.... "okay, when will they schedule this".  The doctor... looked her straight in the eye... and said, "well, we have him on the table now... so we'll do it right now, with your consent.".  There was never a "we can't take it out" or an "we won't".  It was "we will".  From the moment we arrived... it was positive and uplifting and they had no doubt that they would get him well.  

They successfully removed the internal carotid and my brother did great.  He had waves of nausea, he couldn't eat and he was in pain... but he was determined.  He endured more than I ever could and watching him go through this... I realized... in that moment.  God doesn't give you anything you cannot handle.  He gives you things that challenge you and change you, but nothing... you cannot handle.   Finally, the day came for my brother to go through brain surgery, where Dr. K would go in and remove all of the fungus from his skull base and anywhere he could get to.   As we sat in the waiting room, with all of the other families who had loved ones waiting to go into surgeries.... I looked at my brother's family.  I looked at mine.  I prayed harder that day than I've ever prayed before...(or so I think).  How could he endure brain surgery?  How long would it take?  What would happen to him afterwards?  Would he be different?  Thousands of questions were in my mind, on my heart.... but they remained silent.  I just sat in the waiting room with my family... and together we clung to every minute on the clock, watching and waiting... until we received our first update that they had started.  We knew it was going to be a long day... and we all knew the risks.   Hours went by and we got another update and another.  All was going well.  When the final update came....that the doctor would be out to talk to us,  it was hard to believe we had been sitting in the waiting room for almost 10 hours, maybe 12.  I don't even remember, but it was an all day ordeal.  When the doctor came out... he was smiling.  Grinning actually.  He looked straight at my sister in law and said, "we got it".  Tears rolled down my face as I heard the words.  They got the enemy.  They took it down.  They removed it.  Everything was going to be okay.  Wasn't it?  

Over the next week... my brother recovered from brain surgery.  He was nauseated, he still couldn't eat and he was weak.  His blood sugar was still fluctuating and his creatin levels were not where they wanted them to be but... he was determined to go home.  He got up and walked when they said.  He ate and threw up.  Ate and threw up.  We brought in every kind of food we could think of hoping that something would taste good and he could keep it down.   So what was making him so sick... well, the anti-fungal medicines are the strongest there are and they take a toll on your body.  They told us from the beginning that this would be a challenge... and that he would have to be on them for a very long time even after they removed the fungus... because they would prevent it from coming back.  It's amazing all the things you notice in a hospital after being there so long.  You begin to know other patients by name, laugh at the stupidest things and basically become a robot to what your day will be like.  We had been in Little Rock for 2 1/2 weeks and it was now mid October and they had successfully done the surgery and the goal was to get my brother home.  I had a conference coming up the 3rd week of October and knew I would have to leave for a week.  I was so torn.  By this time, my niece who was due end of October/first of November had also gone home to get ready for the baby.   My sister in law was a mountain of strength, but like all of us... she had moments where she was exhausted and after not being in your own bed for more than a month... all you want is to go home, be in your bed... and to see your 1st grandchild born.  Yes... that was on everyone's mind.  Would they be home in time?  

I texted, called and checked on him every day I was not there.  Finally, the text I had been waiting on came... they are going to let him go home.  I'll never forget.  October 28th.  He had lived in 3 different hospitals since September 12th.  They had counted him out more times than not... and God led us to the man who would save him.  Tears of joy.  Streaming down my face.  He was getting to go home.  They released him late in the day.  There would be a lot that had to be done at home, but the fact that he was getting to come home... was huge.  My sister in law packed him up... and they drove the 3 1/2 hours home.  He was sick as a dog from the ride... but he was home.  They got him settled... and for the next few days, it was rough. It was an adjustment.  On October 31st, my niece welcomed our sweet princess into the world.  My sister in law was there as was I and we facetimed seeing the baby for the first time with my brother at home, so he could see his grandchild.  We were overwhelmed.  

The story doesn't end there... no... over the course of the next year, my brother would have good days, bad days and through it all, he endured.  He has had follow up visits with Dr. K, who calls my brother his walking miracle.  He is still on the anti-fungals, but he's getting better every day.  He went to hell and back.... and he survived.  

 Last night, as we were talking... we were debating something... and he said "you'll never be as smart as me" and I laughed and said... even with half a brain.  No, they didn't take out his brain, or part of it... they only removed the fungus, but the fact that a year later we can joke about it is a miracle.  I thought to myself... You're right... I won't be as smart, nor as strong.  I know there are many families who have gone through stories like ours where you have faith and family to get you through life's toughest moments.  For my family... it was a wake-up call... that life is fragile and precious.  My brother is alive and finding his way... his new normal... because every day is a gift.  

To Give or Not To Give...

To Give or Not to Give.... 

With the recent aftermath of hurricanes Harvey and Irma, there are so many people in need.  Many have homes that are flooded or much worse, leveled.  There are those in need of water, power, food... the basic necessities.   When Hurricane Harvey hit Houston, the aftermath was boggling.  I had friends who were evacuated and were not allowed back into their homes.  When they finally returned... there was nothing left but a soggy mess.  

Yes, material things can be replaced and we should all be grateful that it's life that we cherish, but it doesn't make it that less frustrating knowing you have to start over.  As I was trying to determine how best to to help these friends... I realized that somebody without a home to go back to may not need clothes that you would send.  So... I thought, what about gift cards, so they can purchase just the basic necessities.   (Food, personal items, etc.)  There were friends who I sent the cards directly to, but I wondered about all the other families.  The ones that I didn't know, but wanted to help.    

During this time, Irma had begun to pick up steam and was headed for the US Virgin Islands, the Keys and Florida.   I have so many friends who live in these areas.  I do work in this state.  I became glued to the television with the track of when, where and how bad was it going to be.  As Irma strengthen into a Category 5,  again, I was bothered by the fact that people who had lost everything might not get to see any dollars that I had contributed to the American Red Cross or a few other organizations that I made monetary donations to, so I did a little research and was really bothered by some of the things I found.   The purpose of this blog is just to do a little homework before freely giving a monetary donation.   I know we have seen celebrities do the telethons, create go fund accounts, set up foundations... but how do we know how much of the money really goes to help the victims of these horrific disasters.  The 

I know that charities have to have personnel to run them.  I believe that everyone should be paid for their time to do these jobs, but at the same time, I want to make sure that my donations are going to help people.  One charity that I will no longer donate to is Goodwill.   I used to take items that I no longer needed here, because it was fast and convenient for me... and thinking that I was also helping others.  Wrong.  I was helping their CEO's bank account.   After finding out this information, I decided to make sure that in the future... any charity that I work with or donate too, will get a thorough back-ground check to ensure that they are indeed reputable and helping those in need. 

As Irma made her way through the islands, the Keys and finally Florida and the southeast.  She left a lot of devastation, just as Harvey had done the week before.   Many are without the basic needs.  If you have family or friends in these areas and you can communicate with them... I would strongly suggest gift cards to places like Target, Wal Mart, food places, gas cards, etc.  These are things that can help with just the basic supplies.  Then... if you really want to make a monetary donation, I know that the American Red Cross has a CEO and employees but I do believe that they are helping victims along with the Salvation Army.  There are a number of military charities that are helping veterans as well.   Pets are another issue.  Many of the shelters in these areas have had to take in pets that were left behind and are in need of supplies.  Local food banks are collecting non-perishable items to give out so these are always a good idea if you can get supplies to them.   Many cities, towns across the country have been gathering supplies as a community to send in to the affected areas. The main thing is to make sure that the charity is a highly rated and established one that offers how much of the money collected actually goes to the victims.  

So... as you determine whether to give or not to give... my advice would be... yes, help.  Do what you can but just make sure you know where your dollars are going.  One of the best things to come out of these horrific disasters is to see people helping people.  We are human and by nature, we all want to help our neighbors.  It's those few... that truly create a bad name for us all and unfortunately, that includes charities as well.  

We will continue to keep all of the affected areas in our thoughts and prayers and remember, every little bit does make a difference.  

The America I Love

In recent weeks... as an American, I'm reminded once again that there is good in everyone.  Hurricane Harvey showed us his power and strength as he barreled on shore in South Texas as a huge category 4 hurricane.... making sure to leave an impression.... and not only did he make one landfall, but 3 total before he headed inland creating more destruction along the way.   The truth is... we are 7 days in from his initial impact and in the last 7 days, as Americans we should have all learned a few things along the way.   For me.... I live in Mississippi, which as you all know, borders Louisiana.   Yesterday, we felt the fury of a weakened Tropical Depression Harvey, but the reminder was there of what our neighboring state and Texas had endured on a much magnified scale.  

I have many friends and colleagues and family who reside in the Lone Star state.  I was worried from the beginning, but once the initial reports came in... began to quickly realize that this storm was much more than any of us could possibly imagine.  Seeing interstates completely flooded, neighborhoods, and the fact that Harvey wasn't going away too quickly.   He stalled and kept pouring insult on all of the good people of Southern Texas.   I had many friends who had to be evacuated out of their homes.  Sharing their stories and their extreme positivity of how they felt lucky... they were alive and safe.   The news began broadcasting, not the bad but the good.  Yes... the picture of the first responder saving the lady and her baby.  You didn't look at their race, nationality or gender.  What you looked at was humanity in its finest hour.  Another person helping another person.   The boats lined up behind trucks trying to get into the area to help rescue.   The industry that we all love coming together to make donations, pull together make shift food halls, kitchens and help prepare warm meals for those in shelters.   The days have Harvey's initial impact have shown me the America I love... and yet... I'm left to ponder why it takes a disaster to show the good in people.  We are the home of the free and the brave.  There's constantly criticism for the President.  Regardless of what he says... or does... there's always something negative.  The biggest thing that truly came out during all of this was the fact that if the media chooses.... they can indeed find the good in everything.  They don't have to dwell or focus on the bad.  

The America I love showed that the President was willing to commit personal money to help rebuild Houston.   Vice President Mike Pence and his wife were helping to clear debris.  The first responders, national guard and so many volunteers were out from dawn to dusk, looking for people who needed help.  Pets were being saved.  Things and material items... were gone and while many lost everything... in their hearts... they had their families.  

In times of crisis, we all come together to lean.  Houston and South Texas needed a shoulder to lean on and there were so many there to offer it.  Why can we not simply do this every single day?   Is it that hard?   We wake up and we all have a choice.  Be Kind.  Be an Example.   I continue to pray for those affected by the storm, those who lost everything and those who are there every day helping them to recover.   I felt helpless with being able to only donate money to various organizations, but I quickly realized every single thing matters.  No amount is too small.  No amount is too big.  The recovery will last for months, even years... but in my heart I know that Houston and Texas will be back... better than ever and for all of us... you showed me the America I love and am proud to call home.  

God Bless Texas and the United States of America.  #houstonstrong #hurricaneharvey 

Cast Your Stone

Every day we wake up, breathe and hopefully say a prayer of thanks to be able to share another day on this glorious Earth.  Every day, we have a chance to strive to be better than we were the day before and to work on ourselves in the pursuit of happiness.  Every day.... most of us fail at one thing or another.  Every day.... we all sin... in one way or another.  There is no sin, that is worse than others.  They aren't measured, weighed or put in order from bad to worse.  We are all human.  Last week, the head coach of Ole Miss football resigned over a mistake... a sin... he made.  Yes, he quoted Bible verses.  Yes, he was a Christian.  Yes, he had a family.  Yes... he tried to build people up.  And yes... he was battling some internal demons apparently.... which led to his ultimate resignation.  The reality is this man.... like many of us... made a mistake.  The problem... his mistake was on a bigger stage... for the world to view and judge.  As the news broke... I found myself pondering... the question.... what if your life was placed under a microscope for the world to see.... to judge your decisions... your mistakes.... how many people would stand beside you knowing your flaws?  How many people would cast stones... without knowing the full details?  No, I don't feel empathy for the coach... and I don't believe that the mistake he made should be without consequence, but the truth is.... there will be a judgement day and none of us will be the judge.  So why are we so quick to do it now?   Is it just the power of negativity to try and bring someone further down... when they've been hit?  Is it because we felt a connection to this person and we feel disappointed by his behavior or finding out that he might actually be human?   Or.... is is because we thought he was a Christian man, with high morals and we find out that he sins like all of us.  I am certain that it's probably one, two or all of them.  For me... I won't judge the behavior... and I won't condone it.   He was wrong.  He knows it and if the mistakes he made, cost him a job he appeared to love, then I am sure the consequences will be there regardless.  At the end of the day.... God forgives those of us who ask for forgiveness.  

I have been a life long Oxonian.  I was born in this small town.  I have lived here my entire life.  My blood is red and blue.  I've been with Ole Miss through good, bad and yes, ugly.  I am not a fair weather fan.  I get upset.  I get mad.  I get depressed.  Those of us who have been around awhile know, that the road to Ole Miss is always filled with highs, lows and many in betweens.  We have survived.  We have been through a lot.  We've watched our university make many changes.  We may not always agree, but we've stood beside her every day.  We've been through countless head football coaches, and we will survive this.  We all wondered when Coach Freeze was hired, why?  How could this man elevate our program and bring it to a new level.   The reality is.... he did.  He brought a lot to Ole Miss.  He gave us some highs.  He gave us some lows.  At the end of every day, our visions of a national championship under the Freeze reign seemed like a reachable task at times.  We were thrilled.  Now... there are many who are eager to bury him... because he made a mistake.  No... I am not condoning the mistake.  It was huge.  It was costly, but again... it is not my place to judge his sin.  What I can do... is pray for him, his family, our university, our football team and know that regardless of this low.... we will survive and we will rise again.   

Our interim coach is a good person.  He's an Ole Miss alum.  He bleeds red and blue.  His son played baseball with my grandson and they are a good family.   He needs our support.  He needs our faith that he can bring this team and our fans through a turbelant time.  It's not the first time, and it won't be the last.  

I pray that when I make mistakes that I will have friends there to pick me up.  I will have friends who won't judge me, but will be there when I need them.  I pray that my sins are not placed on a national stage to be played out in front of thousands of people.  Every day.... we all sin.  We are not perfect.  We wake up and we try to be better than we were the day before, but we are far from perfect.  Think twice before you cast your stone.... Your own garden is probably full of them.  

We are Ole Miss.  We bleed red and blue.  We will survive.