Dance With the One Who Brung Ya....

Dance with the One Who Brung Ya is a phrase that is very close to my heart, as well as something that I learned very early in life and my career.  It's a message that has served me well through-out the last 27 years and one I'm not likely to forget.   

So... what does it mean?   There's several versions of the quote itself, but the meaning and gist of it is the same in all accounts which boils down to one thing - LOYALTY and a meaning of don't ever forget those who helped you, believed in you , stood beside you and were there for you when nobody else seemed to be.  

We all seek success in different ways and for most of us, we are barreling down many roads before we find the one that leads us where we eventually want to go.  Somewhere along the way, we all had someone or several someone's who brought us to the party, so to speak.   They were the person or person(s) who inspired us; taught us; introduced us to colleagues and friends; included us in their own lives and networking; shared their failures and successes; they motivated us; advised us in ways that we didn't always like; listened to our challenges, ideas and offered a hand to hold or a shoulder to lean on; they provided us with support; gave us an honest answer; and most of all they believed in our potential and ability to become successful in our own right.   

Through-out my own career, there have been many people who have helped to shape, mold, support, encourage and be there when the failures came as well as the successes.   In my first "real" career, as a pharmaceutical sales representative for a generic and brand wholesaler, my boss and mentor, used this saying often and meant it.   "Dance with the One Who Brung Ya... because loyalty and relationships are the keys to success."  He drilled it home every opportunity and as I've often said in many of these blogs, I owe him a great deal because he taught me in a way that allowed me to reach my full potential and I have never forgotten who brought me to the party.  He wasn't the easiest boss to work for,  trust me, we disagreed on numerous occasions, but at the end of the day, he was a teacher and he truly wanted his team to succeed.  He knew that if they succeeded, he would succeed.  It's a lesson that I am forever grateful and often reminded of daily.  Through the years we became friends and to this day, when he offers advice, I listen.  

I'm so blessed and fortunate to have established and maintained so many relationships in not one career but two.   I have not forgotten who helped me along the way in both starting with the mentioned former boss in the earlier paragraph to the countless of friends and colleagues who picked me up when I was down, encouraged me, motivated me and most of all believed in me.   Those individuals will always have a very special place in my heart.   The words "thank you" just don't seem adequate at times, but I've always tried to nurture and take care of my relationships because they are fragile and valuable.   

As I've become a manager and even as a friend, I've tried to always keep this phrase close to my heart... but there have been times when I've found myself in situations where I've been on the other side of the coin... and felt that those that I supported, motivated, listened to, helped, encouraged, stood beside and believed in..... forgot and somewhere along the way... left me behind.   Maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe my own feelings just got hurt because the time they once had for me, no longer was available or made available......I'm not sure what happened along the way or why things changed.   I just know that from my perspective it seems that as they've grown and found success...  I don't seem as important in their lives anymore.    Time is a valuable gift and when we share it with those we trust, love, respect and care about it allows our relationships to continue to grow.   

It's amazing... in the beginning,  the time, resources and care that we all take when investing in a new relationship, whether business or personal.   Once we are in the relationship and its firmly established, we should make sure that we are not forgetting what got us the relationship in the first place.  

Often, when we get busy and time or care isn't given the same as it once was...and as more success happens,  the relationship begins to crumble IF we don't stop and make time to get back on the right road.   We should all take a good look at the relationships in our lives and ensure that we are treating others as we want to be treated with loyalty, integrity and respect.   We should never forget those who brought us to the dance and most of all... we should never be too busy for them.  What would have happened if they had been too busy for us when we needed them?  What would have happened if they had never helped us?   

To this day... I'm still dancing with the one and others who brung me!  Are YOU?  

Without a Mask... You're Gonna Make it After All!

Who am I today?  What mask will I wear?   

 As you read those two questions, you're probably wondering... what mask?   I know who I am.   Well... are you sure that you're the same person day in and day out?  Are there ever days when you find that it's just easier to pretend you're somebody else or maybe not to that extreme, but do you find yourself being in a good mood for the sake of others, when on the inside, you're a train wreck?   Do you find yourself smiling to hide the frown?  Or... are you someone who... regardless of how you feel, you let the world see and know your every mood?   I haven't found many people who willingly shared all of their problems and turmoil with those around them.  Instead... just the opposite.  

Every day, we are different people at various times of day.  We are parents, friends, siblings, co-workers, boss, employee, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, daughter, son, volunteer, caretaker.... and the list goes on and on.   Every day in each of these roles, we have different behaviors.   I guess sometimes it's hard to determine the mask from just changing your roles.... but if you look closely, you'll know when you have on a mask and when you are merely changing your role from mom to friend.  

This past week... I've thought quite a bit about the mask or in many cases, masks... that we all wear at some point in our daily lives.  There are some people who in their jobs, have an elaborate mask that really changes who they are .. into the person they feel they need to be or maybe it's the person that they want to be.     Now, before you pretend to not know what I am referring to about putting on a mask, hear me out.   Every day, we all try to be something to somebody.   Every day, we adapt our personalities to those that we encounter.  Every day, whether at home or at work, we all go through the process of putting on the mask.  Most of the time... you probably don't even realize you're doing it.   I'm sure many as you are reading this, you're saying... no way... I'm the same person every day, inside/outside and to all who know me.   The mask isn't intended to change the wholesomeness of your heart or who you are in any way.  It's not intended to be fake or false,  or even misrepresenting.   In a way, I think of the mask as one that an athlete might wear when playing a sport.  It's there for protection and safety when we are at our most vulnerable.

 Do we do this so that those closest to us won't see the real person?  Do we do it to try and make others happy?    Do we do it to protect the deepest part of us that we may not want others to gain a closer glimpse?  Do we find that it's easier to pretend to be in a good mood than share our bad mood with our co-workers?   Do we find that somewhere down inside, we'd like to be somebody else even if it's only for a short period of time?    I am sure that its one of these, several of these or all of these.

For me, I know that I have on occasions in the past, donned several masks over the course of my careers and even in my personal life. I guess the most significant time was during the illness of my parents and the period following their passing.  It was a very hard time for me... and the grief was overwhelming.  I just didn't feel comfortable sharing that with every person because in my own way, I was struggling and still struggle to this day, with the loss.  Not only did I have a mask for my business colleagues to hide this grief, but one for my family and friends.  I guess I just didn't want them to see how bad I was hurting inside.    This doesn't mean that people don't and didn't  get the real me.  They did, but I think at times, it was just easier to put on a mask of "I'm doing okay" rather than go into detail the struggle of just getting out of bed.

In my first career, young and hungry and quite ambitious, I know that I wore a mask in dealing with clients because I was "green" and I did not want to appear that way.  I wanted to be seen as confident, successful and knowledgeable.  As I grew into my role and job, I realized that the success of the job wasn't the masks or the skills, it was the relationships and as I allowed the mask to come off and the relationships became real, my success went through the roof.  I found that by simply being myself that I opened myself up to so many rewarding relationships that are still in place today.

Again, I think that at times, we don't even realize we put the mask on.  I think that when we do it,  it just means that we don't always want to place our problems or burdens upon other people.   It means that if we're going through a tough time, we may not want to share it or feel comfortable enough to share it.   It means that if we're dealing with something very close to our heart or we've been hurt, we may not want the outside world to see.  It means that if we wake up and feel yucky, sometimes, we pretend to feel better than we do so that others won't be brought down.   Yes... We all have done this and we've all put on a mask or two at some point.  We all have our own ways of getting through life's stress, hurts and pains.

Sometimes the mask...helps us to cope with things that we've tried to hide and maybe not for a good reason.    I've thought about the thousands of women and men,  for that matter,  who deal with domestic abuse, verbal abuse or any kind of abuse... and the masks of courage and bravery that most of them wear before finally feeling like they can face the truth and the world.   Again, is it for protection and safety?   I'd like to think that the mask whether its on in times of trouble, everyday life or to protect your heart, is there to use when you feel you need it.   It's your decision whether you will allow anyone into your life mask off.

What happens if we all take off all the masks?   Our lives aren't always picture perfect.   Our lives aren't always pretty and put together.  We aren't always the person that people have a perception of who we are inside.  I guess the reality is, the reason that most of us have the mask in the first place, is somewhere along the way, we've experience hurt, disappointment, loss or rejection.  The mask again... allows us safety and protection of our hearts.  

 As we all deal with trials, tribulations and even triumphs, we find certain people that we want to see us with the mask off in every situation and gradually, we get to the point where with them... we never even pick it up.    Isn't it amazing how somebody comes into your life and you feel such a connection that your vulnerability and guard let down.  It amounts to love and trust and all good things that come with it.  Many times in our lives, we feel this with more than one person... maybe it's our significant other, our best friend, our children, our parents.... I'd like to think that we are all very capable of allowing more than one person see us as we truly feel day in and day out.  

As I've grown older, hopefully much wiser from life's lessons, failures and successes,  through the years, I found the need for the mask to not be as important as it once did in my life.  I, now, realize that by wearing the masks, I didn't open myself up to fully allow others to see the struggles that I went through, both career wise and personally,  and that I was missing out on something vitally important.  Support and encouragement.  Once all your facades are gone and you really get to know somebody, you open yourself up to love and trust in ways that you never have before in relationships. In business, you open yourself up for a relationship that allows you to also become friends and have an open dialogue of honesty and trust.

For me, I know that as I have gotten to know people and really engaged with them, my relationships thrived and became more meaningful and fruitful.   It's okay... to let others know you're hurting or sad, angry or whatever you may be going through.   If they are truly your friend or love you, they'll be the first to help you through it and you never know what piece of advice they may offer that might just help you through.   In business, you don't have to dump every single personal thing on our business colleagues, but we can open ourselves up so that they are not just colleagues, they are our friends as well.

In ending this blog, I'm reminded of the smile that comes on my face every single time I hear the theme song to the Mary Tyler Moore Show... somehow... it always reminds me that the need for a mask is long gone.  

Who can turn the world on with her smile? 

Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile? 

Well it's you girl, and you should know it 

With each glance and every little movement you show it 

Love is all around, no need to waste it 

You can have a town, why don't you take it 

You're gonna make it after all 

You're gonna make it after all 

How will you make it on your own? 

This world is awfully big, girl this time you're all alone 

But it's time you started living 

It's time you let someone else do some giving 

Love is all around, no need to waste it 

You can have a town, why don't you take it 

You're gonna make it after all 

You're gonna make it after all

The Art of Conversation... what an Exchange!

Seems I've been slacking on the writing lately.... but not without good reason.   The last 6-8 weeks have been hectic and busy focusing on a brand new event for the hospitality industry.  Yes... a new launch.... a new concept and, YES...  it was amazing.  Hospitality Business Exchange.  From start to finish... the goal never changed in creating and developing something unique for the industry.   The event focused on one-on-one meetings, networking and an exchange of ideas, insights and information.   With every new venture or idea, you're always hoping for the best... and with this dynamic concept... my fingers and toes have been crossed for quite awhile.

The hard work, effort, stress and craziness was all worth it when it was all said and done.  More than 80 food and beverage professionals gathered in a luxurious resort for 2 1/2 days where business became productive, simple and back to the basics.  Isn't it amazing that we all forget the key element of success?  We get so wrapped up in closing the sale or meeting our goals, but we forget the real reward in our business or personal lives.  Relationships.    Conversation.   Well... I think the exchange accomplished both in a great way!

I have to give a huge shout-out to those dear friends, suppliers, buyers... who from start to finish... helped with ideas and topics.  They had no idea how it would all turn out.. but their belief that I could pull this off never waivered.   Those that were somewhat doubtful, but you hung in there with me anyway... I'm so very glad you did.   It was not an easy journey by any means...but... we made it!

The event was dubbed "beta-test" by me early on in the process... it was something completely new to me as well as those we were trying to convince that it would be the greatest thing since the invention of the ipod.. ipad... iphone4?   (You get the point!)    So... with fresh ideas, a determination and passion that many have seen from me in the days of yesteryear... our goal was to launch a new event in a totally new format that centered around face-to-face.   That's right.. one-on-one!     Relationships and Conversation.   The other focus... keep it small.   Don't try to get every single person you can.  Make it exclusive and intimate.  (yep...that's practically unheard of, I know.)

 Imagine that... an event where SMALL is the NEW BIG.    As the event began... I was hopeful that the majority of those in attendance would like the format and concept and feel that their time was well spent and productive and that being a participant was really valuable.   The outcome was so much more than I could have hoped for by closing night.   Everyone was really interacting and enjoying the closeness of a small group.   Conversations were endless and fruitful.   Business was getting done in a very highly focused arena yet relaxed, comfortable and intimate.

I'm overwhelmed by all of the positive comments from friends and colleagues.  I learned quite a bit about myself during the planning, coordination and execution of this event.  ( I think I learned something about those there as well!)   If you have a passion and belief, don't settle... take the risk and go for it.   The other thing that was reconfirmed to me is that regardless of where you end up in your life.. you should never risk your relationships.   They are your most valuable asset.

For those friends and colleagues who were there... thank you doesn't seem adequate enough to show appreciation for your friendship, confidence, support and belief that we could create something new, fresh, innovative in such a small arena... but when all was said and done... we did.

The exchange of dialogue was open and ongoing.  Our industry has changed and evolved... and there's an exciting buzz about something completely off the radar that allows us to keep our cost down, yet yield high results.   The best news of all is that the conversation continues and ideas are already flowing for the next exchange.   I'm looking forward to it and I hope you are as well.   If you're in a meeting with a key buyer or supplier... make sure to mention it.    (Also... if you're on facebook - LIKE US on our new page - Hospitality Business Exchange or if you tweet, please follow me jenrobinson09 or hbe5.   You can also find me on LINKEDIN.

Geez.. looks like I'm everywhere!!!

By the way... I found some fabulous new recipes for some tasty beverages!  Have you tried Monin's Apple Pie flavor... oh my goodness!  (They also have Blueberry, Blackberry, Pomegranate and so many many more!!!!)

When the Trust is Broken...

Trust.  A key element in all relationships - both professional and personal.   Trust is an emotional act where you allow others to see your vulnerable side with belief that they will not take advantage of you.   Trust is a logical act as well, where you have certain expectations and have faith that those expectations will be returned.   Trust will either make or break a relationship.

Trust doesn't happen overnight.  There's no magic potion that you drink or sprinkle and it's there.  Trust grows day after day and there's no set number of days when it will happen.  Through friendship, love, attention, respect and effort - trust is earned.  Its a level of comfort and companionship that you have reached with another person.    Once you have it with another individual - you know it and most of all, they know it.     There are varying levels of trust and past experiences can hinder your ability and willingness to trust, but if you are one of the lucky few, it can change your life both in a personal and professional way.

For me, the best feeling in the world is when someone says to me - I trust you completely.   Its a responsibility and one that I take very seriously, both in business and in my personal life.   Trust is something that I hold very dear to my heart and I try to put forth 150% effort into every relationship that I value.   I work on a daily basis to earn and keep the trust that I have been given.   I feel it is a precious and fragile gift from another person.  

In life, we've all had people come and go who have enhanced and changed our lives for good, bad or ugly.   We've all had people who have earned our trust and we gave it willingly back to them.  What happens when the trust is broken?    From my own experience, I know that in both business and personal relationships - breaking of trust totally taints our image of every action, word and intent - to the point where we feel we can no longer be in a relationship the same way or do business the same way.   Can we?     How do you regain and rebuild trust once it's broken?  Is it possible? 

I am by no means an expert in psychology or human emotions.   I am actually not an expert in anything.   I work hard and share my passion with those I meet, but I am definitely not an expert.   I am a small town Mississippi girl who writes from the heart and from personal experiences.  I've spent the past 25 years honing my craft and trying to find my way in the world.  I've had some successes and I have had my fair share of failures.   Through it all,  I know that my greatest asset is my relationships.

From my own experiences, communication is the most important step.  Honestly also plays a huge role in the rebuilding process.   Compassion, empathy and understanding play yet another.   In every relationship, there are two individuals who willingly committed to it and those same two individuals have to be just as committed to get it back.  It won't be an easy process, but with complete effort, it can be regained.     (Afterall, wasn't there a reason you trusted this person in the first place?  Aren't we all allowed a mis-step?)   I believe this to a certain degree and know that I have given friends and colleagues second and third chances...and have not lived to regret it.

 What do you do if the trust is broken over and over again?   Obviously, its time to re-evaluate whether or not the relationship was ever genuine in the first place.  I do know and truly believe that all of our failures and set-backs help us to become stronger and better.   They serve as reminders of what's important and what it takes to enjoy a happy and fulfilled life.    I also know that rebuilding of trust in both a business and personal sense takes being open minded  enough to allow yourself to forgive.    

Many times, when the trust is broken, people take the approach of doing nothing.  They just sit and wait to see what the other person is going to do.   For me, this does nothing to help, AND only makes the situation worse.   I strongly believe that whatever you want in life, you must be willing to put forth the effort into getting it.   You must be open, willing and committed to getting back what you lost.   We aren't all psychics and can't read minds, so again, communication is absolutely essential to re-connecting. 

Most of all, when the trust is broken, take responsibility.  In business or in life, we all want to know that the other person is willing to stand up and say that they were wrong and truly mean it.   Be willing to tell the other person what is going to be different this time and know that you are going to have to work hard and put forth much more effort to get the trust back.

Trust is THE foundation of any great relationship in business and with our family and friends.  I once read, that  without trust, a relationship is like a car on blocks. It isn’t going anywhere… and after a while, it will rust and deteriorate.   When the trust is broken,  YOU hold the keys.

Should You Treat Customers as More than Customers?

Should you treat your customers like... more than customers?  The great debate that I have encountered for more than 2/3 of my own career and I can tell you that my answer then and now, is the same.

Yes.  

As you go out in the world to seek your own way, its difficult to know all of the do's and don'ts.   I mean, seriously, have you got time to check the list to see if you're supposed to be doing something when you're in front of  a customer?   For me, I found out early on... that I cannot be anything other than me.   I tried all the "so called" checklist methods.  I tried to follow in the footsteps of those before me who found greatness.   I tried to be everything and anything but who I truly was... and I can tell you, I was completely and utterly miserable.    Once I realized that trying to be something I wasn't and focused on just being me and letting customers see and get to know  "me", I started seeing success.   I found that people liked me and the fact that I was so open and genuine.   I began to develop "real" relationships with my customers.   I began to see them as more than "just" customers.   They were people... why... they were friends.  


Is it really possible to do business with friends?   Trust is essential in every relationship, whether business or personal.   Trust is the backbone for creating and keeping successful and long-term customers.   You cannot BUY trust.  You can only EARN it and work to keep it. 

Trust.   It makes me feel so good when someone says to me, I trust you completely.  It means that I have earned that comment in some way.  It means that my actions and follow-ups and effort have been noticed.   It means that you have developed a solid relationship between two individuals who like each other and are very comfortable not only doing business but being friends as well.     There are many customers who you won't have this type of relationship, but there are many that you will.  Be grateful for those because they will enrich your life in so many ways.

Does being friends mean you owe these customers something extra?  In my own mind, its a bonus by becoming friends.   For me personally, it challenges me to exceed their expectations.   Customers  like to feel that you are going the extra mile for them.  When you're friends with them, I have found that they appreciate that extra mile even more.   (Think about how you feel when you're the customer and someone goes out of their way to make you happy.)  Its a great feeling! 

I've had a few supervisors who told me that my way of doing business was wrong.  I have had one of them tell me that you cannot be friends with customers and that the "company" owned the relationships.  Well... they were wrong then and they are wrong now.    Relationships cannot be "owned" by anyone.   Relationships are developed, nurtured and maintained by people.   I have often told my own consulting clients when developing their customer base, don't micro-manage your sales people.   Allow their personality to shine and let them represent your brand by being themselves.  If a sales person knows the product and believes in it... the rest will take care of itself.   The key to success is not the product or company - it's the person selling it. 

My rules of thumb for selling have been the same for 25 years:  Sell yourself, sell the product or service and then sell your company.  IN THAT ORDER. 

So... as I sit here today,  I am smiling and happy.   I know that when I go out into the world to meet new people and share my new passion for whatever project I may be working on... one thing is for certain - they will meet the "real me" and they will immediately become part of my family.   All the critics can say its not "professional".   They can say that its too personal, but for me - it's success.   And, personally... I like success!