This Little Light of Mine...

Lately, the world has gone amuck.  Is that even a word?   Basically… I've been so down and depressed about the world that  I haven't been motivated to update my blog, share my thoughts or convey what was on my heart.   Why?

I've asked myself that over and over… and the answers are different each and every time.   I can't turn on the news because of all the horrendous stories happening in our culture today.  There are no reasons… just countless acts of violence and senseless tragedies.  People that you don't know, yet… you feel an immediate bond for some reason that you can't explain.   The government continues to toy with all of our emotions trying to control our insurance, our military pensions and countless other avenues that I find disgusting.   

Life… just seems to be more difficult lately because it's become a depressing place to venture out into… and radiate that inner glow of sunshine that you want surrounding you at all times.   Then, there are events that occur… that have no meaning whatsoever and you're left with your faith to pull you through the darkest hour of doubt and despair.  Today was one of those days when that doubt and despair hit closer to home.   It's always more difficult when it's someone you know… a sudden tragedy that occurs and you have no answers.  My heart is breaking for some friends today and I feel helpless.  We cannot take away the pain or change the course… all we can do is have faith and trust.   

It's days like today when you want to hold your grown children… hear those that love us speak it just a little louder, feel those hugs a lot harder and let the kisses and terms of endearment flow more often.   It's a day when we realize how truly blessed and lucky we are in this life… and we should count our blessings each and every day.   Why does it take a tragedy to help us see that we should cherish our family and friends and love them with all our hearts.   

Sometimes… the world is simply an ugly place… and our job is to survive it.   We have to navigate through feelings of loss, anger, frustration, hurt, worry, disbelief, shock to truly appreciate those days when there is happiness, love, laughter and life.  

Christmas is upon us.. and it's a season of giving, but most of all,  a season of hope.  It truly maddens me when corporations bow to the demands of being politically correct.   When we allow others to change the way we greet each other during the holidays… we are allowing society to influence our beliefs when we should simply respect the differences.   "Merry Christmas" is a greeting that warms my heart each and every time I hear it.   When someone says to me.. "Happy Holidays"… I often sit there for a moment, without knowing how to respond and then I realize because it feels cold and uncaring.    Why should I feel that way?   I don't know.    I understand that not every person celebrates the same as I do, but… why should I have to change my beliefs?  Why can't they simply be respected…. just as I respected whoever says Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas.   

So… for the first time in a very long time… I decided to just be myself and stop worrying about if I was offending anyone.  If you say Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays or whatever… the response from me will be the same -- Merry Christmas and you know what… I feel good when I say it.   It makes me smile when the world is ugly with bickering, senseless tragedies and violence.   I find that it warms my heart and soul during a time.. when as a country.. we all need it.  It reminds me of the song… This Little Light of Mine… I'm Gonna Let it Shine.  It brightens my day, my heart and my soul.   

We live in troubled times and maybe we should all embrace the #showkindess and #bekind attitude.  Maybe we should erase the ugly with a world of yesteryear when times seemed to generate the good i all of us.  We should all strive to be better human beings, to love one another and respect each other regardless if we are different.  We should all feel comfortable in our own skin… and be able to be who we are… without thinking we've offended somebody for simply being ourselves.    

  May God Bless each of you during this season of giving.  May He fill our hearts with light and joy and renew our spirits with hope, faith and happiness.

Til' next time…

SIMPLY LIVIN'...

My travels have taken me to some pretty incredible places.  I've eaten some very tasty morsels and imbibed on a few extraordinary concoctions that made me sit up and take notice.   I'm very blessed.   Being from a small town, sometimes, it doesn't take much to entertain or amuse me.   Even when life throws you curve balls you least expect... and you aren't sure what tomorrow will bring... sometimes you find life's purest and simple joys at just the exact moment when you need them.

I knew there would come a time when I would want to write a post about "Simply Livin'... I just thought it would be about something different.  However... it truly fits for this particular post.  Last week, my best friend, Wyn and I took a trip out West.  We've been best friends for 30 years.   We joked about finding a few cowboys and the joys of friendship.   One thing to put into perspective... is that my best friend and I are like night and day.  Complete opposites in just about every way.   The great thing... is we accept each other just as we are and for some amazing reason, it's worked for 30 wonderful years.

My Best Friend of 30 Years.  

Whenever I'm going through anything life changing or altering... she's always there.  Today is no different.  She's been with me through every trial and tribulation that I've experienced as well as the triumphs.    We can go weeks or months without seeing each other... and nothing changes.  It's one of the most blessed friendships I've ever known... because regardless of anything... I know that she's always there... a phone call away and vice versa for her.    So... now, that you understand the dynamics, you'll appreciate the journey.

As we've gotten older, wiser, more mature and all of those adjectives that I believe our age group is now identified with... we truly have learned to appreciate all the great things in life.  In our younger days... we took most things for granted.   So... on this particular journey... we knew we'd laugh, cry, eat, drink and do the one thing that we both never do... simply live.   (The one thing we have in common is we both are workaholics --- I think.)   For me... the journey was during a time when I am facing some personal challenges and she's always there to listen, talk.. put me at ease.

As we arrived at our destination, Phoenix/Scottsdale - the first thing we both noticed was how HOT it was and not a Mississippi hot... this was a dry "hot".  After we found our rental car and got underway.. the first thing that happened... we got lost.  Never fails.  Our GPS (Miss Bertha or whatever her name was... ) was of no help.   Finally, my google maps... had us heading in the general direction of where we wanted to go.   Needless to say... trial and error... we finally found where we were supposed to be.

Mmmm... BACON!  

This trip, we stayed at the JW Marriott Camelback, we discovered Arizona.  Cactus, adobe buildings, desert, sun.... you name it.  We even viewed the mountain which remotely looks like the humps on a camel.  Nice.. right?  Actually, the JW really is a beautiful property and its moderately priced, yet a bit upscale.  I've stayed at pretty much all of the properties in this area... and there are some others that are quite pricey, so for the location, this one is actually a good choice.   Be sure to enjoy dinner at BLT one night.. and order the Grilled Bacon as an appetizer.  Lordy Mercy... there are no words to tell you how delicious this tastes.  Mmmmmmm....mmmm.... Bacon.

Our Cheese & Wine at The Mission.  

One evening, we decided to take a tour of old town Scottsdale where they were having an Art Walk.  We thought we would enlighten our lives with some culture, a little art, maybe buy a trinket or two and enjoy a great meal.   Our driver dropped us off... at the edge of Old Town.   We decided to try out the "hottest" ticket in town for dinner as we were told by at least 3 people ---  A relatively new restaurant called The Mission.   First... we had to find it, so we strolled along looking in a few windows... and noticing that ... there was literally nobody around.   We finally found our destination which was located beside a church... housed in a building that looked exactly like an old Mission.  Once inside... it felt homey, had a great little vibe going and there were a number of people enjoying themselves.   They asked us if we wanted to be seated outside on the back patio... and we couldn't decide if we could fathom the "heat" but we took a chance.   They had a huge fan blowing... and to our surprise, it was really quite charming and pleasant. Long story short... the atmosphere was really nice.  I've had a better meal and wine, but all in all, it was an experience.   I'm not sure it quite lived up to the "rave" reviews that we were given on it, but as I've found out... what suits my palate, may not be what suits someone else's.

Appreciating Art!  

Now.. for some art.  We walked the streets (still with very few people) and began to wonder if we were given the wrong date.  We finally stumbled across the first gallery that was open... and as most Mississippians would do... we walked in like we owned the place.   As we began to walk around, taking in the various paintings and sculptures, my friend found one that drew her attention.  She was quietly observing it saying how great that would look in her living room... blah, blah.. blah... when I broke her bubble... I had noticed the price... a cool $15k and gave her this important tid-bit of information.   All she could do.. was say... Does the frame come with it?   Cue... laughter hysterically.

The Rusty Spur 

We quickly realized that this ArtWalk was for the serious inquiries only and not those who were just passing some time... enjoying a few sites.      So, we wandered along, viewing pieces here and there... and laughing at our own ability to realize that we would not be taking home a piece of art.    After all of this... we had built up quite the thirst, so we headed for The Rusty Spur.   We had noticed an ad for it in a book and decided that it looked interesting... and there had to be cowboys there.   What we found... is "home".   We walked in.... and there was a country band playing.  It was small with maybe 10 tables and then the bar.   We found an empty table and sat down.

 Our surprise... we loved the band.  The PsychoBilly Rodeo Band.  (Look them up and The Rusty Spur on Facebook and the Web).  If you're ever in the area... STOP IN... you will be so glad you did.    The other thing we quickly realized is that this little place reminded us of a hang-out we had back home when we were about.. 21.   There were a lot of locals, a few cowboys... and a really great time.   We made some friends, promised we'd be back... and had one of the best times ever.   (Our driver back can verify that... )

Thelma and Louise... 

After discovering that it was National Best Friend Day when we were there, we decided that we would turn this trip into... a Thelma and Louise trip.  Now.. who's Thelma and who's Louise?   For all inquiring minds.... we had to make a few changes.. first... Wyn is a few years older than me... but... she's not the WILD one... so... with that being the only difference, you can figure it out from there.  Our next goal was to find our Brad Pitt.... you'll just have to keep reading.  Just remember Louise's line from the movie...

"You're a real live outlaw, aren't ya? " " I may be an outlaw, darlin', but you're the one stealin' my heart".  

Like I said... regardless of what you're going through in life... you always find ways to laugh and enjoy life.   We decided that we would take a drive.... a rather long one it seems.  We ended up... at the Grand Canyon.   If anyone tells you it's not that far from Phoenix... let me verify for you that it's 3 1/2 hours... at least.  If you've never been in a car with me... especially that long... you'll understand... the pain that Wyn endured.     Once we got there... there was something so overwhelming and peaceful about the awe inspiring beauty... that the drive was forgotten.   It was absolutely breath-taking.   A picture does not do it justice... it's something that everyone needs to see for themselves.

Spa... can you say... AHHHH.   One thing I will tell you.. is that the JW has the Spa thing going on.   We decided to treat ourselves to some much needed pampering.    We both decided on two treatments each and found that we should have just booked an entire day.   I had a hot stone massage and a facial while Wyn enjoyed a body scrub and a massage.   Now.. those of you who know me... know that I could never do a body scrub after my experience at the Arlington in Hot Springs... but Wyn... bring it.  The hot stone massage was one of the best I've ever experienced and I've had a lot of them through the years.   It was relaxing and with all of my health issues and stress... it seemed to help everything that ailed me.  I found an hour of peace.  Wyn said the scrub was just the same.   She met a lady who lives in the area and said that she's been to all the spa's in the area, but loves the JW and keeps coming back here for treatments.   Same with the facial .... it was relaxing and the seaweed mask... ice cold going on... but the effects of it... amazing.

We also found our way to The Buffalo Chip.   This is another cowboy saloon that's located in Cave Creek.  We were meeting my cousin for dinner and one of his friends owns it.  It's quite the drive (30 minutes or so) from Scottsdale, but it's a cute place.   Plenty of cowboys and cowgirls twirling around the dance floor doing the Western dances that I thought were long forgotten.   Just for the record... we did get asked to dance... more than once.   One guy almost pulled my arm out of socket.   It still hurts.

All in all.... this trip proved to be something we both needed for different reasons.   Our last night, we decided to go back to Old Town and enjoy some Italian food.  We found a cute little place "Italian Grotto" right in the middle of town... that has the best dessert I've ever eaten.   Shut My Mouth yummy.   Oh, the italian wasn't bad, either.  We ended our trip... back at The Rusty Spur... and yes... we found our cowboy and a few Brazilians too.

We laughed.  We cried.  We ate and drank... and saw things we'll never forget.  Most of all... we celebrated 30 years of friendship and being there for each other... thick, thin, good health and bad... a shoulder to cry on... and a hug when you need it.    Life... is simply livin' especially when faced with challenges of the unknown... it's good to know that you've got someone you can always count on right beside you.   Thelma and Louise... ain't got nothing on us.   We came, saw and conquered... in other words... we SIMPLY LIVED.

Leader of the Pack... Yes, My Mother.

Time heals.   Is this really a true statement?   This week is a tough one for me and it has been the last two years and it will be going forward every year.  This week will forever be in my heart and on my mind.

I've recently realized that for the last two years... I've just been going through the motions of life.   Putting one foot in front of the other.   I've just kept moving.  (I was told... just take it one day at a time... and it will get better with time.)      Newsflash:  Time cannot fix anything nor can it heal your heart.    It takes actions to fix anything and it takes steps to help your heart heal in a way that you can handle your loss.    

Two years ago this week.... my mom passed away.   

Two years later... I cannot have a conversation about my mother to anyone... without tears falling.   Two years later... I am still picking up the phone to call her from the grocery store.   Two years later... I am still having difficulty going through some of her things and continue to put it off.   Two years later... I can hear her in things that come out of my mouth.   Two years later... I still miss her as if... it were yesterday.   

You're probably reading this and thinking... how depressing.   Actually, don't think that.  For the first time in awhile, I can actually smile and know it's a real smile.  I can laugh and know that I'm truly feeling joy back into my life.    Time has given me an opportunity to deal with my own feelings, my own needs and to know that no matter how much time has passed... it's always going to hurt and I'm always going to miss... her.  Actually, I miss both of my parents... greatly.   Time has given me a chance to realize that it's up to me to take the steps needed to live again and not just go through the motions.   Nothing can ever replace a loved one that you lose.   Nothing will ever be the same.  Time has allowed me to accept that and begin the healing process where I can enjoy my life again.  

Remembering helps.  Remembering allows our emotions to be expressed.   I've learned that it's okay to cry.  It's okay to still feel loss.  It's okay to handle grief differently.   This blog is not a blog of self-pity.  No...  This blog is a tribute... to my foundation.   I've read so many other amazing blogs on loss and grief.  They've all been inspiring and they've all helped as I've traveled through my own grief to get to this point.   Now.. I can remember and not feel pain, but feel tremendous love.    It's amazing how our parents impact our lives in ways that we don't realize... until we don't have it any longer.   Have you thought about the things that you'd truly miss?   For me.. my choices surprised me and at the same time, they also brought a smile to my face.

My mother used to get great satisfaction out of lecturing me about getting on airplanes, traveling alone and going out into the big bad world... (at age 40!)  Deep down... she was really living vicariously through me, even though she would never admit it.   Ever.   Every trip I would take... I would get a phone call that would start out with.... "Are you there?"... and I would smile and take a deep breath and say... "Yes, I made it."  The conversation would continue... with "Well, what's there?"... when reality was... I had only landed 15 minutes prior and hadn't made it out of the airport.   But... like all dutiful daughters... I played along and said.. well, I haven't seen anything but big buildings yet, etc.. and this would eventually lead into... the dangers of the world.   After a 15-20 minute conversation, she would finally have enough information... to pass along to her telephone chain.

Needless to say, everybody who was friends with my mother... always knew where I was and what I was doing which was why... I learned to only tell her things... that didn't really matter.   Now... I don't have that opportunity to share with her... my "glamourous" life as she used to call it, but, every trip... I still wait for the phone call... that doesn't come.

Now... I am sure that some of you have always heard stories about how your parents had it much tougher than you did.   I know that in my family, it was always a topic that turned into how "spoiled" we were and if we had to pick cotton like she did and work from " can to can't!"     One of my fondest memories is hearing my mother talk with her siblings about growing up and their adventures in the cotton patch.   I'm laughing now, just thinking about it.   My mother came from a large family.  She had 7 siblings in her family and 2 siblings from her dad's family prior to marrying my "mamaw".   They weren't a rich family,  and to hear my mother tell it... they were the exact opposite, but they always had food on the table and they all worked from the time they could walk (her words), except the "second" set as she liked to refer to a couple of my aunts and an uncle.  (What does second set mean?  My mother's youngest sister was born when she was 17 or 18 years old) so, she called them the second set.   The funny thing.. is that she absolutely would have walked on water for her younger sister, although she said that when she was born she was soooooo embarrassed.  For that matter, she would have walked on water for any of her siblings... she was just that way.  She may not have wanted them to know it... but they knew.   She could talk about them and her own kids all day long, but don't let anyone else breath a word of bad.  She stood beside and with her family through thick and thin, even as she was "politely" letting you know what you did wrong.  (For those who knew my mother... I am sure you can all laugh of what "politely" meant!)

As I write and laugh out loud... one thing that I know will always be said about her...is that most people thought my mother was mean.  In fact, she was mean and the older she got and more set in her ways, the meaner she became... but the real truth is... she would have given the shirt off her back for those she loved.  She played the tough, strong, independent leader to the hilt.  One of my cousins, who my mother loved like her own, made the statement when she passed away, "She was the Leader of the Pack".   It was true.  She played it well, but the truth is.. when things got tough or somebody needed something... my mother was the first person there.    My mother wasn't an overly affectionate person.  She would grant a pat to a long lost relative or a hug every now and then.  She would hug her grandchildren and love on her great grand-baby... but she never said the words.  My mother was a "fighter" and I say that with laughter because honestly, she'd fight or debate about anything and to anyone.   You didn't even have to be family to be on the reciprocal end.   One of the things that I loved to do best... was hug my mother when she least expected it, especially if she was mad.   She would act like she was fighting mad, when deep down, she loved every minute of it.

Two years later... I'd love to be able to hug my mother.  I'd love to hear a story of how tough she had it and how lucky I am.  I'd love for my telephone to ring.   Two years later... I'd love for her to tell me that I'm not cooking something right.    Two years later... I'm smiling and laughing.... and finally realizing that I'm still doing all those things... through memories.    For the first time... tears didn't fall from pain, they fell from joy.

Parents are priceless treasures in our lives just as our children, grandchildren, friends and other loved ones are to us.   Take time every day... to show and share your love.   Life is precious and time is ours... don't waste a minute.

  

Lessons Learned the Hard Way

Fall has arrived!  Cooler temperatures seem to be just around the corner, leaves will begin changing into bursting hues of orange and red,  providing beauty all around.   I have to say, that it truly is my favorite time of year.  Maybe it's that with Fall, comes football, world series and the holidays that I love the most.  It's hard to believe it's already October and that we'll soon be thinking about Thanksgiving and even Christmas.  (Yes... some stores are already thinking Christmas.)  (Don't get me started on that rant!)  With this blog, I found myself realizing that in a few days, I will have survived another year.   I guess as we all turn another year older, we try to remember where the years have gone and what life lessons we learned along the way.   Seems the older you get, the more like one of your parents you become... or so I have been told recently.    For me, my lessons learned the hard way... are many.   You'd think that along with these new wrinkles I'm discovering,  I wouldn't make the same mistakes twice.    

So... in all my years of wisdom, what lessons have I learned the hard way.  Well, for starters... things always happen for a reason and only you can find a meaning within those things.   It goes back to the whole half empty/half full attitude.   Say... someone loses their job... one person might use that as an opportunity to do something they've always wanted to do with a new career while another might sink into despair and complain about the world doing them wrong.   I've said this many times before... your attitude truly is the foundation to your happiness.   

The grass isn't always greener.   Most of us have envisioned at one time or another when we were in a bad situation whether it was a job or relationship, that if we could only get out... my how different things would be, only to find that the grass wasn't greener on the other side.  

Don't worry about the things we can't control.   I am a worrier.  I worry about everything and as I have gotten older... it has just gotten worse.  Reacting is one of the things that I do best... and not always in a good way.   Trying to remember that the only person that I can control is myself and my reaction to others has helped me to keep my temper down to a low simmer in a lot of situations.    

Pick your battles.  Personal or professional, this is probably my hardest lesson to learn and I am still learning it.   We have all been in situations where we allowed something small to send us over the edge that created a bigger battle than necessary.   In my career, I've learned to set boundaries.   I've learned when to draw the line because people will only treat you the way you allow them to.  In my personal life, I'm still learning the lesson.  I'm hardheaded and one of those that feels you have to fight it out in order for the balance of the universe to get back on its axis.   Right or wrong, it's a hard lesson that I keep learning over and over.  (Surely, one day, I'll learn...).   

Happiness shouldn't be tied to success.   This is another one that really challenges me.   Success equates to a better being, happier person and all around better attitude.  As I've grown professionally, I realize that my failures were just as much a part of helping me become the person I have as my successes.  The failures are more important.   We all need to have the mindset that sometimes things work out and sometimes they don't.  We don't need to let the times they don't dictate our well being.

You don't pick your family or the person you love.  You do pick your friends.   There is nothing that brings me greater joy than my Clampett family and the friendships that I cherish.    "A friend is a gift you give yourself" and "A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out" are two of my favorite quotes.  

Be thankful.  This isn't necessarily a lesson learned the hard way, its one that I think most people forget or take for granted.   I don't take for granted.  I have been extremely blessed.  Even when I feel like my world is crumbling and I'm being sucked into the black hole of darkness, taking a few moments and reminding myself of all the things that I have to be thankful for usually helps put things back into perspective.  

Lessons learned the hard way are never easy especially when they unintentionally or intentionally hurt you or another person.   We've all been through them. We've all learned from them and we've all vowed not to make the same mistakes twice.  In most cases, I'd like to think I've done just that, but I know that there are several areas where my weaknesses come through and I haven't completely learned that life lesson yet.  

So... as Fall continues to approach with all it's glory, I am thankful that I have made it another year.  I'm thankful for all of life's lessons I've learned the hard way.   Somehow, they've helped me become the person I am today.   

As I close out my first post of October... I will leave you to ponder the following.... (see growing older makes you so much wiser, doesn't it?) 

"Age should not have its face lifted, but it should rather teach the world to admire wrinkles as the etchings of experience and the firm line of character."  

"An old fox understands the trap".  - Proverb

YES... it is all about the EFFORT.

Happy Friday.  It seems I've been called out on my views of a particular subject - Efforts vs. Results. I made a statement earlier in the week that went something like this....   It is my opinion that if you put forth the effort, results will follow.  So, let me just place it all in writing so everyone knows my humbled opinion on this particular topic.

 I am a true believer in effort.   I believe that effort catupaults results and that without it, you have no results.   I am a firm believer in setting goals... something to focus your efforts toward.   I also believe that with every ounce of effort you put into something success will find you two fold.  Over the course of my 25 years of experience, I've had the opportunity to manage a lot of individuals.   Some made tremendous effort and reaped the rewards.  Some who made very little and well... they didn't last very long at their job.    I am a big believer of focusing on effort and trying to help individuals understand that with it, you will see results.   I don't ever want to look back over my life and say that I didn't praise someone for their effort.   If they truly gave it their heart and soul, then they have achieved results of some kind.  

Effort is the one defining point of you as an individual.   It shows your ability, it shows your determination, it shows your passion, it shows your motivation, it shows your desire.... and in the end, it will show you results.   You cannot get discouraged just because you don't always see quantifiable results every single time.   What would life be without the challenge of putting forth effort time and time again to get results? 

What exactly is effort? 

1  

exertion of physical or mental power: It will take great effort to achieve victory.

2.

an earnest or strenuous attempt: an effort to keep to the schedule.

3.

something done by exertion or hard work: I thought it would be easy, but it was an effort.

4.

an achievement, as in literature or art: The painting is one of his finest efforts.

5.

the amount of exertion expended for a specified purpose: the war effort.

I truly believe that every activity has a series of steps (effort) that is needed for results to happen.  When going into a project or objective, it is always good to identify the most critical and direct steps.  Get organized and have a plan, but put forth the effort required.   In doing so, the results will happen and once they do, you will begin to see that identifying your steps and learning how to focus your effort will create the desire results needed or wanted. 

I've never been a person to focus on the results as part of training or as part of becoming successful.   I use the results as my goal or my reward, showing that with great effort, this is what can be obtained.  I do believe that results should be used as a motivator for the effort, but that the focus is entirely placed on the effort.   If you focus on results... completely, then, you're missing out on the most important part of success.  What did it take to get those results?

 The worst thing that you can do to someone is to take away when they are truly trying... they have put their steps in place and they are making the effort.   The reality is... sometimes, you don't always reach your goal or reward on the first attempt.   The great thing about effort is that if something is NOT working... you re-group, change your steps until you find the right ones that get you to the result.  

Focusing on effort also allows you an opportunity to really see whats important,    In your employees, your projects, your business, school, etc.   If you are going to launch a new social media campaign... its going to take effort.  You need to come up with steps and a focus for your effort to get to your end result.  What is it you hope to accomplish?   What effort will it take to get there?   Along the way... you may see that some of your steps need "tweaking"... does this mean that everything you've put in to this point... is wasted?  NO.  It means, that while putting forth the effort to accomplish a particular task, you learn what works or doesn't but every effort made will yield some kind of result.  

The other problem is whether you believe it or not, when working hard and putting forth the effort, you actually are getting results.   You are learning how to maximize those efforts with every set back you may have and every time you put forth effort you do yield some kind of result.   You have to always have a great attitude in life... and you have to focus on the process (the effort put forth), not the results.  (Sorta like saying... don't put the cart before the horse.)  I've seen people who are greedy and they focused entirely on the results.   They feel if they don't get the outcome, then they weren't successful.   They feel the need to quanitify success by results.  Part of becoming successful is going through the steps and not all successes have quanitfiable results.  Every effort we put forth in making a business grow, is part of yielding a result.  Every effort we put forth in a relationship is building it.  Helping it develop and become all that it can be.

As managers or leaders, it is our responsiblity to re-group when efforts don't provide the results wanted.   Sometimes, a particular task may need a different set of steps.  It is not our roles to take away the pride of someones effort and tell them it was for nothing.

Results can only happen when effort is put forth.   If you go to work or school every single day and put forth your best effort, you WILL get results.   If you are playing any type of sport, and go out every single time and put forth effort, you WILL get results.   If you go through your every day life putting forth effort, your life will see results. 

What exactly is results?

–noun

3.

something that happens as a consequence; outcome.

4.

Mathematics . a quantity, expression, etc., obtained by calculation.

5.

Often, results. a desirable or beneficial consequence, outcome, or effect: We had definite results within weeks.

—Idiom

6.

get results, to obtain a notable or successful result or response; be effective

Negative results are always hard to take in business and even in our personal lives.  We want what we want... when we want it.   Many times from my own experience, I have found that the reason for negative results is that we tend to complicate a simple task, or we don't follow our steps, or simply put, we don't understand the task so its really hard to put forth the effort needed to accomplish results.  I have also found that I have learned more from my own negative results although the positive ones certainly pay much better.  I've always tried to believe that everything happens for a reason and that the glass is half full... and with that attitude, I've taken the negative results as an opportunity to re-evaluate processes or steps, not only for myself and others, but for the company.  

I really believe that if you focus on EFFORT and not results, you will find success.  i never said that you wouldn't experience set-backs or have to re-define your efforts from time to time, because you will and probably more than once.  You may not always see the results you want or need, but, these set-backs often help you in understanding how to achieve success in a different way.   Don't put results before effort or try and make the result the most important factor.   A business is built upon effort, of not just one person but many and those combined efforts are what achieves results and ultimately success.   

So, to defend an earlier statement I made this week... YES, it is all about the EFFORT and I will stand by it over and over again.  Again, its my humbled opinion and in life, that's one thing we are all entitled to have without parameters. 

REACH FOR THE STARS... the moon... the whole SHA'BANG!

Reach for the stars, you say?  What does that mean exactly?   Looking up to the sky and holding your hands up... and stretching... reaching... well... NOT exactly.  Although, I am sure... that there have been many times in your life, just as there have been in mine... when I thought... that's exactly what I was doing.   Just reaching to the sky.   Do you wake up each day and reach for the stars?  The moon?  Pluto?  Anything?  

Success.  What makes a person successful?  What makes a business successful? How can you become successful? What makes your brand successful?   What exactly is defined as success?  Through-out my life, I have often heard those questions more times than I'd like to count.  I have also heard tons of answers.  Some that I agreed with... some I didn't.  Most... left me pondering (yes, in the South.... we like to ponder...) ....  which would eventually lead to yet... more questions.   

What I have discovered in my own journey of reaching for the stars.... Success is not something that is neatly wrapped, tied with a beautiful bow and delivered to our door.   It isn't easy to define because everyone views success by different measures.   One person might believe that having all the money they could possibly spend is defined as success, while the person sitting right next to him making minimum wage believes that he is successful.  One thing that I do know,,, success...  doesn't come easy regardless of what your definition of the word. It takes hard work, drive, determination, commitment, belief, love and most of all it takes PASSION... with a capital "P"!! 

When I was starting out in my career... I mentioned in an earlier blog about my mentor who told me attitude was everything.   He also gave me lessons through-out my first career path that I have followed without fail.  Actually... he still calls and gives me a lesson or two!  It's funny... how at the age of 21... NOBODY can tell you anything.   Now, at "29".... (okay... okay.... 29 +17)... ... I want everybody to tell me everything!  One of the most important things he told me other than attitude is to know that the true value in life... whether personal or business is


.....  people/ relationships.  By george... he was absolutely right.  The core of success for every person... and business...is relationships.   Relationships enrich our lives every single day.   Where would we all be without them? 


Something that I found out early on... was to surround myself with positive, enthusiastic and successful people. I have been so fortunate through-out both of my careers to have met so many amazing, positive and successful people.  Just being around them... I wanted "it".   I wanted to know that feeling... of believing and loving something so much... that whoever I was talking to...  could actually see, feel and taste the passion.   If I believed... then they would believe.   The intensity... is just surreal.   Do you know what I am saying? 


 I am talking about taking something whether its in your personal or professional life...  from nothing and building it... step by step... to completion.  Using all of your energy, love and passion to create, develop, implement and execute.   Watching it grow from nothing... to SOMETHING with your hard work and dedication.  Your blood, sweat and tears.  Results.   Isn't that what we are all looking for when we take something on...the end result?      For me... that was really my  first step in reaching for the stars...... being around others who motivated me and gave me the "insight" to see what success could truly be.   The old saying about surrounding yourself with successful people ... rubs off.   I think there's something to it.  I wanted their good fortunes... their happiness.  (And again... I am not talking about financial reward, although... that's a nice bonus if it happens.)     Little did I know.. how hard they ALL worked for it until I set about my own path to finding my success.   As I spent more time with them, eager... to learn, listen... adapt... I found along the way... that they gave really great advice.  From that point... I knew that I wanted to work for my failures... and I wanted to work for my successes.   I wanted to surround myself with successful, positive and geniune people that I could call my friends as well as my colleagues.   People that I could trust.  Trust is something that is earned... not given. 

 I also realized along my own journey that there are many... who will take advantage of you IF you let them,  They will try and spread their negative lives upon you.  Does the phrase... Run, Forest Run mean anything???    Negativity is a disease that spreads... and it can absolutely kill your creativeness, your outlook... your will to get up and go, your motivation... it will make you cynical beyond belief... no longer have the passion or desire to be challenged every day.  A good friend told me once... if you always look at the glass half empty.. it will be.  Why not, turn it around... look at it half full.   WOW!  When you think about it ... it's really our choice and its one that we have to commit to making every day. 


Success is hard work... and along the way...whether professionally or personally, you are going to have people in your lives who are there for all the right reasons... and then some who are there for the wrong ones. 

I ran across a quote from Oprah Winfrey... and it struck me... as funny, but at the same time... completely true.
  

"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down". 
   

For me, the quote put everything into perspective.   How true is this in life in general?   This quote really made me appreciate all my friends and colleagues who were with me in good times, bad times and all the in between. Choices.   We all have choices and making them isn't always easy.   Sometimes, we falter.  More times than not, we fail.   But... success means, getting back up after failing and continuing to try... continuing to reach... never giving up.    

Step 2 of my "reach for the stars"  journey was deciding what I wanted out of my success.   Do you want just "okay"?  "better than okay"?   "great"?  For myself...I wanted to be the best ---( that might have something to do with my competitive nature)... or my inside voice thriving on a challenge.  Whatever it was... I knew that  I wanted my legacy in a professional sense to be known as someone who created, developed, implemented and executed with every ounce of my being.   I wanted to be known for my passion and commitment.  My willingness to go above and beyond.  I wanted those that I worked with to trust me to get the job done.  

Step 3.. (you'd think I'd be to the clouds at least by now after all this reaching).... Following up and actions!     Its one thing to say we want all these things...but, if you don't take the risk and actually TRY and do them, what's the point?    If I told someone I was going to do something, then i need to have the courage and determination to follow through on it.   If I found that I couldn't do it... then find alternatives or options, but never stop trying and most of all be realistic about what I can deliver.  The phrase "underpromise and overdeliver"... is something that I have always kept close to heart.    I have always tried to give to others as I would want them to give back to me.   Sometimes... I've been greatly disappointed in the return. Other times, I've been pleasantly surprised.  I realized that not everyone works the same was as me, nor do they have the same commitment.  Effort is something that a lot of times... finds greater reward than the result itself.  Why?  Because if something in life is TRULY worth having... it will take EFFORT to get it.     One of my biggest pet peeves...  is when someone tells me they are going to do something... and they don't do it.   If they make an effort and can't complete it or get it done... that's one thing... but just to say it and then do nothing. (It will set my blood to boiling!) 

Lastly, for me... success was built upon educating myself and honing my own craft so that I was knowledgeable.   Reading, researching, meeting others who were within my field, listening and really trying to become the best. You're never going to know everything... but, if you take time and grasp everything within reach to help elevate you at what you have chosen to do...success can't be far behind.   I really used this within every aspect of my career.  If I had a meeting, I would do my homework before the meeting.   If I had a presentation, I would make sure that I knew what the objectives were and included them.  I have always found that if you are prepared, excited and engaging... people are going to want to listen to you.   Share the passion, but know your stuff! 

 It's an ongoing process, both professionally and personally... taking the failures and looking at them as opportunities.  How do you turn a negative into a positive?  How to take a set-back and use it to propel you forward?   Enjoying the small successes as steps to get me to the bigger ones.   There are set-backs, delays  (we've all experienced them... many of them) ... but through it all... the challenge of continuing to reach for the stars is what drives me every day.    I've gone through two careers... both with some longevity and with both of them... I loved what I did.  I believed in what I was doing and I had a passion for it.   Along the way... I met some wonderful individuals, many, who I am honored to call my friend today.  

As my own journey in life continues to evolve..... I am still waking up every day.... and reaching for the stars and when the phone rings... and its a voice from the past giving me some sound advice.....a huge smile comes upon my face... and I look back at how far I've come.


 I'm listening... to every word! 

  

Zig Ziglar said it best... “Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be.”