Who am I today? What mask will I wear?
Every day, we are different people at various times of day. We are parents, friends, siblings, co-workers, boss, employee, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, daughter, son, volunteer, caretaker.... and the list goes on and on. Every day in each of these roles, we have different behaviors. I guess sometimes it's hard to determine the mask from just changing your roles.... but if you look closely, you'll know when you have on a mask and when you are merely changing your role from mom to friend.
This past week... I've thought quite a bit about the mask or in many cases, masks... that we all wear at some point in our daily lives. There are some people who in their jobs, have an elaborate mask that really changes who they are .. into the person they feel they need to be or maybe it's the person that they want to be. Now, before you pretend to not know what I am referring to about putting on a mask, hear me out. Every day, we all try to be something to somebody. Every day, we adapt our personalities to those that we encounter. Every day, whether at home or at work, we all go through the process of putting on the mask. Most of the time... you probably don't even realize you're doing it. I'm sure many as you are reading this, you're saying... no way... I'm the same person every day, inside/outside and to all who know me. The mask isn't intended to change the wholesomeness of your heart or who you are in any way. It's not intended to be fake or false, or even misrepresenting. In a way, I think of the mask as one that an athlete might wear when playing a sport. It's there for protection and safety when we are at our most vulnerable.
Do we do this so that those closest to us won't see the real person? Do we do it to try and make others happy? Do we do it to protect the deepest part of us that we may not want others to gain a closer glimpse? Do we find that it's easier to pretend to be in a good mood than share our bad mood with our co-workers? Do we find that somewhere down inside, we'd like to be somebody else even if it's only for a short period of time? I am sure that its one of these, several of these or all of these.
For me, I know that I have on occasions in the past, donned several masks over the course of my careers and even in my personal life. I guess the most significant time was during the illness of my parents and the period following their passing. It was a very hard time for me... and the grief was overwhelming. I just didn't feel comfortable sharing that with every person because in my own way, I was struggling and still struggle to this day, with the loss. Not only did I have a mask for my business colleagues to hide this grief, but one for my family and friends. I guess I just didn't want them to see how bad I was hurting inside. This doesn't mean that people don't and didn't get the real me. They did, but I think at times, it was just easier to put on a mask of "I'm doing okay" rather than go into detail the struggle of just getting out of bed.
In my first career, young and hungry and quite ambitious, I know that I wore a mask in dealing with clients because I was "green" and I did not want to appear that way. I wanted to be seen as confident, successful and knowledgeable. As I grew into my role and job, I realized that the success of the job wasn't the masks or the skills, it was the relationships and as I allowed the mask to come off and the relationships became real, my success went through the roof. I found that by simply being myself that I opened myself up to so many rewarding relationships that are still in place today.
Again, I think that at times, we don't even realize we put the mask on. I think that when we do it, it just means that we don't always want to place our problems or burdens upon other people. It means that if we're going through a tough time, we may not want to share it or feel comfortable enough to share it. It means that if we're dealing with something very close to our heart or we've been hurt, we may not want the outside world to see. It means that if we wake up and feel yucky, sometimes, we pretend to feel better than we do so that others won't be brought down. Yes... We all have done this and we've all put on a mask or two at some point. We all have our own ways of getting through life's stress, hurts and pains.
Sometimes the mask...helps us to cope with things that we've tried to hide and maybe not for a good reason. I've thought about the thousands of women and men, for that matter, who deal with domestic abuse, verbal abuse or any kind of abuse... and the masks of courage and bravery that most of them wear before finally feeling like they can face the truth and the world. Again, is it for protection and safety? I'd like to think that the mask whether its on in times of trouble, everyday life or to protect your heart, is there to use when you feel you need it. It's your decision whether you will allow anyone into your life mask off.
What happens if we all take off all the masks? Our lives aren't always picture perfect. Our lives aren't always pretty and put together. We aren't always the person that people have a perception of who we are inside. I guess the reality is, the reason that most of us have the mask in the first place, is somewhere along the way, we've experience hurt, disappointment, loss or rejection. The mask again... allows us safety and protection of our hearts.
As we all deal with trials, tribulations and even triumphs, we find certain people that we want to see us with the mask off in every situation and gradually, we get to the point where with them... we never even pick it up. Isn't it amazing how somebody comes into your life and you feel such a connection that your vulnerability and guard let down. It amounts to love and trust and all good things that come with it. Many times in our lives, we feel this with more than one person... maybe it's our significant other, our best friend, our children, our parents.... I'd like to think that we are all very capable of allowing more than one person see us as we truly feel day in and day out.
As I've grown older, hopefully much wiser from life's lessons, failures and successes, through the years, I found the need for the mask to not be as important as it once did in my life. I, now, realize that by wearing the masks, I didn't open myself up to fully allow others to see the struggles that I went through, both career wise and personally, and that I was missing out on something vitally important. Support and encouragement. Once all your facades are gone and you really get to know somebody, you open yourself up to love and trust in ways that you never have before in relationships. In business, you open yourself up for a relationship that allows you to also become friends and have an open dialogue of honesty and trust.
For me, I know that as I have gotten to know people and really engaged with them, my relationships thrived and became more meaningful and fruitful. It's okay... to let others know you're hurting or sad, angry or whatever you may be going through. If they are truly your friend or love you, they'll be the first to help you through it and you never know what piece of advice they may offer that might just help you through. In business, you don't have to dump every single personal thing on our business colleagues, but we can open ourselves up so that they are not just colleagues, they are our friends as well.
In ending this blog, I'm reminded of the smile that comes on my face every single time I hear the theme song to the Mary Tyler Moore Show... somehow... it always reminds me that the need for a mask is long gone.
Who can turn the world on with her smile?
Who can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?
Well it's you girl, and you should know it
With each glance and every little movement you show it
Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can have a town, why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all
You're gonna make it after all
How will you make it on your own?
This world is awfully big, girl this time you're all alone
But it's time you started living
It's time you let someone else do some giving
Love is all around, no need to waste it
You can have a town, why don't you take it
You're gonna make it after all
You're gonna make it after all
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