Disappointed? Just Keep Pedaling!

"If I am to meet with a disappointment, the sooner I know it, the more of life I shall have to wear it off."

THOMAS JEFFERSON

At one time or another, we've all had disappointments in our lives, but especially, in business.  Sometimes the disappointment is almost too much to bear and it leads to anger and emotions running high.   Disappointment comes in all forms:  Losing a customer; not getting credit for work done; an employee quitting; not getting a raise you felt you deserved.  The list is endless and on a daily basis... someone is disappointed.  It's just part of life.  We can't ignore it.  We can't prevent it.  We can't go around it or under it.   The only way to get through it is to learn to deal with it in a positive manner.  

Sometimes, I think... that when it comes to being disappointed, if you're someone who gets their feathers ruffled and your anger up... you have the upper hand.   Why?  Personally, I think the emotions and anger drive you to the point where you refuse to give up.   I think I may have described myself to some extent.  I know that I have been disappointed many times... and each time... I'm propelled to not settle, to not be defeated or to give up.   Sometimes... it propels me to just get back in the game and to keep trying.  Most successful people that I have encountered will tell you that it took a great many disappointments before they found success.   

I realized many years ago that..... sometimes we set ourselves up for disappointment.   We set the bar so high... that the only result can be failure.  If we expect too much...and things don't work out as we planned, our disappointment is far greater.  I am the world's worst at putting an unbelievable amount of pressure on myself when it comes to my own expectations.   I'm my own worst enemy.  I've learned through the years and through trial and error that sometimes it's better to have a well thought out plan with an alternate form of action in the event that things go wary.   We can't always control everything, but, if we think through our process and have a plan B, as I like to call it, then, we can control the magnitude of disappointment that we experience.   Someone once said to me, disappointment goes hand-in-hand with expectation. 

Many times I have been extremely confident only to be let down.  Through-out my own career, I've endured many levels of disappointment.  Some are just minor... blips in the road.   Some have been major that actually got me down in ways that I never knew existed.  Sometimes these types of disappointments get us down to the point of giving up and quitting.  We feel we've been pushed to the brink.  Sometimes... we look for somebody else to blame so we don't have to face ourselves in the mirror.   Disappointment can be mentally exhausting as well as emotionally.  Disappointment can linger and affect our daily lives leading to a lower self worth and taking away our ambition.  It takes a strong person... to get back up and keep plowing ahead.   It takes a determined person to know and to keep reminding themselves that ... even if we fall off our bike... the only solution is to simply... get back on it.  Remember that phrase... just keep swimming... well, in this case, just keep pedaling!    Sometimes... it takes a friend or someone who loves us... to gently nudge us back on the bike.  

The longer we let disappointment control us, the harder it is to get back on the bike.  By the time, we try to attempt to get back on, we are filled with bitterness and anger.   

There's nobody that's exactly alike when it comes to dealing with problems or disappointments.   For me, I need to talk through things.   I need to understand... why they happened so that somehow, I learn from it.   Sometimes, reliving it hurts, but it also helps to cleanse away the negative feelings.  It also helps me to analyze what went wrong.  I've been told on numerous occasions that I over-analyze everything.  I think too much.   It's a true statement and there are many times, when I need to lighten up.  I also know.. that I would not have had the many successes that I have had if it had not been for this.  I think that my way of dealing with it... allows me to make mental notes of what not to do next time.  

I've also learned that it's okay to tell my family, friends, colleagues that I'm disappointed.  I am still learning not to dwell on the disappointments or allow them to affect my ability to move forward.   Honestly, I believe that task is on-going and always challenging.  It's easy to fall backwards... much harder to keep moving forward.  

There comes a point when we have to just let the disappointment go.  If we allow it to stay and fester, its only going to affect everything else in our lives.   I know this first hand.   I've also learned that when we get knocked down... we may need a shoulder to lean on or a comforting hand to hold and in personal situations... I think this is acceptable, but, at the same time, in business... if you're a good leader.. you can't feel sorry for yourself. 

Along the way... as we grow older and wiser, I think we also become more realistic in our expectations and our disappointments become less.   They still happen, but, I think we are better prepared to handle them and the situations.   I still struggle with disappointment.   It's been my achilles heel for as long as I can remember.   It's something that has gotten me down when I least expected it.   I've endured personal disappointments and professional ones.   Neither is easy and it will always be part of our lives.   Success happens when we find the ability to get back up after being knocked down.   For me... my bumps and bruises are long and lengthy... but, I wake up every day, getting back up for the next ride.  

"The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way."  Robert Kiyosaki

"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try."   Beverly Sills

Breaking of Bread.. it's NOT just a southern thing!

Several weeks ago, while traveling,  I was engaged in a conversation with a man I was seated next to on the plane.  He was headed to the same city and we were discussing restaurants and hotels.  This particular topic is truly one that I could engage in all day long.  Seems, that over time, I have developed a passion for both.  As we settled in and took off, our conversation became lively and we now had the two people sitting across from us exchanging with us.   The topic:  "the best meal I ever ate" and why and as a follow-up question, your top five.     

 As I thought about this question (s),  I knew immediately my answers.   Without thinking.   As I thought about my answers, I realized that it wasn't just the food, but the company and the experience that made it special and unique.  So, for this week's post and in honor of "Valentine's Day", I thought I'd share... my top 5 and why!   Breaking bread with people you love and sharing a great experience to me is one of life's greatest joys.  

#1 - ALL TIME - Best Meal -- 

STK, Las Vegas, Nevada

STK is one of the best environments to eat, drink and be absolutely in heaven with the music.   From 80's to current, the playlist has you singing to the beat.  The food is great.  My personal recommendation is the Mushroom Pot Pie.  There are simply no words to describe it... except YUMMY.     Every time, I go to Las Vegas, I eat at this restaurant.   I've been there in small groups and large and the result is the same and it ranks right now... as my best meal.  The combination of wonderful food, company and atmosphere made this a choice that I recommend to everyone!     

#2 -

 Chef Viola's - Atlantic City, New Jersey

Chef Viola's is a hidden gem in a victorian looking house... down in the basement.  I think it seats maybe 30 people.  It's very intimate.   My very first visit was overwhelming.  I didn't really know what to expect and the build up led me to believe... I would be in for a let-down.    Why?  First, you must know somebody to even get a reservation here.  It's not a "published" restaurant and getting a normal reservation is almost impossible.   Second, you must bring your own wine and Third,  you must bring cash only.  Well... since my first visit, I've been fortunate to have been there several times over and every time, my experience is the same --- AMAZING.    The food is surreal.  True Italian at it's best.   My personal pick:  Veal Parm on the bone with the 3 pastas.  Hush my mouth!  Yes, it's that good!  Dessert was an experience all by itself... we ordered two of the legendary "chef" specials even though we were completely STUFFED... and we were not disappointed.   The final moment was the bill arrived in a cigar box... and we were told to just relax and enjoy til' we were ready to go.   

#3 - 

Bern's Steakhouse, Tampa, Florida

Now... when it comes to history, I'm a buff.  I love it and when the opportunity came to visit Bern's, I could not wait.  From the outside, it's nothing special.  It almost looks like a club that is on the wrong side of the tracks.  Once inside,   It has the feel of a 1960's supper club... although some found it a bit gaudy.  I embraced it and loved everything about it.   The food is exceptional and it's pricey, but when you consider what all you get with your meal... it's really worth it.  Steaks are the speciality.  Be sure to ask for a kitchen tour and a look at their "wine cave".   I was in absolute awe.  The most special thing about Bern's... dessert.  They have a special area upstairs and you have to have a reservation for it,  where you are seated in "wine casks" that have been turned into booths for special desserts, coffee, port or whatever your after dinner choices may be.   There's live piano music or in each room, there's your own dial for music of your choice.   Every time I'm in Tampa... this is my choice!  

#4 - 

 Taylor Grocery,  Taylor (Oxford), Mississippi

Now...... ya'll honestly did not think that I wouldn't include something from my hometown in my top 5, did you?  This one is definitely about the food!    Seriously, I've eaten all over the US and nobody tops the catfish at Taylor Grocery.   Taylor has a great menu but their speciality is CATFISH and it's my personal pick.   I also recommend the sausage and cheese plate to start.     Southern traditions are meant to keep and this is my "go-to" restaurant whenever I have company in town or when it's just me and my family from going in or  just wanting to call in something.   From the live music, to the country store look and feel and the electricity that's always in the air, it's THE place to be on any given Friday or Saturday night.   It's my pick of the south, for sure!  By the way, Taylor is a community outside of Oxford, but directions are easy! 

#5

The Polo Lounge, Beverly Hills, CA

This choice in my top 5 is more about the experience.   Polo Lounge is located in the beautiful and pink, Beverly Hills Hotel.  ( I love this hotel and it would be on my top 5 hotel list).    On any given day, any meal, you're sure to be seated next to someone famous.   It's old Hollywood glamour at it's best.    The first time I went, I fell in love with the place and it's become one of my all time favorites.   The atmosphere truly lends to everything you experience.   There were 3 people waiting on us and 5 to help you find the bathroom.   I think we ended up having a 6 or 7 hour dinner each time.  Seriously, did not want it to end.   I've eaten in the lounge area in one of the "reserved" booths, the patio in one of the quaint gazebo type tables and the beautiful crystal dining room and each time,  all experiences were the same.   They each have a different feel but with all, it's very intimate and glamourous.  There's always some "deal-making" happening in the patio area for sure!   They had me at hello.   My personal picks to not miss are the McCarthy salad and tortilla soup.  Delicious.  Also, the Grand M souffle is definitely worth ending your night.   

There are other restaurants that I've enjoyed and shared some great experiences and maybe in another post I'll list some more, but for now... these are my picks of best meals ever eaten.  

Again... life is about the simple things in life.   What could be more simple than breaking bread, sharing a great conversation and enjoying a great bottle of wine.     What is your best meal?  

Bon Appetit!  

Balance.. is the key to Survival!

Kick it into High Gear!  Right?  Right.   Well, it seems 2012 has started off in just that way.  Fast.  Furious.  With no let up on the accelerator.  0 to 90 ...  Sound familiar?   Can you believe... it's already February?   I'm not complaining... actually, just the opposite.    One thing that I have found is that when you're busy and focusing on task after task... your adrenaline is flowing and you're pumped.   (or at least I am.)  Right now... I'm very fortunate to have several projects going on at once and it seems, that daily, I add a few more to the list.   Over-achiever or crazy?  How about... a little of both?  

One topic that seems to come up over and over again in any business conversation is how do you do it?  How do you multi-task and seem to make it easy and simple, AND, get it all done?   The reality is... I don't really multi-task.   I realized a long time ago that multi-tasking isn't really productive or at least my definition of it, isn't.    For me,  instead of multi-tasking, I prefer to call my time management style ---  keeping balanced.  And for the record, just when I think I have it mastered... I have much to learn.    I have  found that if I can accomplish balance in my daily life, keep my time and focus on the tasks as well as be more relaxed about what doesn't get done,  then my results are high.  I also limit the number of high priority tasks in a day.   Sometimes, we set ourselves up for failure, by trying to do too much in any given day.    I've also realized that conversations and people are much more important than getting certain tasks done, so balance, has helped me to decide what is more important on any given day.  

For me, I set deadlines for everything on my plate, actually several of them.   I set a pre-deadline and then a final.   You're probably wondering, why two?  Well,  I can keep myself in check along the way,  so that things don't seem to pile up or get overwhelming.    Call me an organizational freak?  Nah... not me.  Trust me... there have been many ... and I do mean, many times... when I lost the battle of being organized.      I do think that time management is something that every person in the business world needs refreshed on every 3 months.  Why?  Because we all get lax and need a boost.   Another reason, is ... to put it simple, Social Media.   I wrote a blog awhile back about it ruling our lives.   (Sometimes, I still feel that way... but, I have now, found a way to balance it into my daily routine.)   It's not easy and probably the hardest task I have, but, you just have to keep trying.  Social media is here to stay and will become a bigger factor in the future, so instead of letting it rule us... we need to find a way to utilize it and balance it into our lives.  

So... multi-tasking... is there really such a thing?    Yes, absolutely.  For me, personally,  I found out quickly that something always suffered when I tried to focus on 3, 4 and 5 projects at one time.  Now... let me clarify this before anyone takes this statement the wrong way.  I can work on several projects at the same time, but I allocate my time so that each day, each of them gets their own space and attention.  Also.. I've been known to set aside things if a conversation was more important.  I decided that in order to be successful, I needed to figure out not multi-tasking, but balance.   Time balance that is... and since I have been practicing this method, things have worked out much better.  Am I guilty of still trying to multi-task?  (uh... last time I looked, I'm human!!!!)  

Trust me, there have been many times, when I've been on conference calls... and while listening... I was also emailing and signing documents and whatever else was on my desk.   I'm as guilty as the next person on doing this, but, lessons learned often lead us to better habits.   Now, when I schedule a call, I make sure that I limit the time.   I realized a long time ago, nothing can be accomplished in a hour, that cannot be accomplished in 30 minutes.   If it's not... then just reschedule another call.   It's hard to maintain focus for a complete hour on the phone WHEN you have other distractions.  By doing this... I found that the interruptions that were there before, suddenly became less.   I also think that by making calls shorter... your focus is immediate.   Think about how many calls you've been on... and how much time is actually wasted.  

What about meetings?     Once upon a time... I thought the meaning of a meeting was to set a time for a meeting.  You've heard that one, right?   Nowadays, I only set a meeting face to face,  if I know it will be productive and useful.   There have been many meetings where I've done nothing but listen... and learned more than I ever would have by talking.   There have been many meetings where within 15 minutes, I knew what needed to be accomplished.   Then ... there have been 2 hour meetings when I find myself working on other tasks and completely not "into" the meeting.   So... for me, lessons learned from the past.  Keep them short and simple... and to the point.  

Time for just stuff.   Everybody I know laughs at me when I say that everyday... I have about 2 hours (an hour in the morning and one in the afternoon for "just stuff". )   This is to have a casual conversation with a friend.   This is for the paperwork that seems to build.  This is for the creative thinking that I try to incorporate into every day.  This is for just... whatever it needs to be for in my day.     Every day... we all have "just stuff".  There's no way around it.  Instead of trying to pretend we don't, just build it into your day.

Emails and Texts.     Here's one that is going to shock everyone.   I believe that emails and texts should be answered promptly.  If somebody takes the time to send me an email or a text, then I need to take time to respond promptly.   What does that mean?  What is prompt?  For emails... it depends on the daily schedule but if I am in my "just stuff" time, I'll respond within an hour.   If I have conference calls scheduled... at the end of each call, I check email and respond.   If I have meetings... as soon as I'm done, I check emails and respond.   I check them first thing in the morning and respond and last thing in the evening and respond.   It's one of my biggest pet peeves in business... is that when you send an email and have to wait to get a response for several days.  (Now.. there are certain exceptions to this, of course... if you're on vacation, sick, or unable to access your email for whatever reason.)   i do believe in auto response when you are unavailable for a long period of time because at least your sender will know why you aren't promptly replying.   

Texts are probably one of the things that irritates me the most... because I am a big texter.  It's just the way of the modern world.    My theory is this... if somebody takes time to send me a text, then I need to respond.   If  I'm busy or can't talk... it takes less than a minute, probably less than 30 seconds...  to type that exact message and send it back.  At least the person on the other end, knows I got the text and I'm not ignoring them.  They know that I will get back to them when I am available.   There is nothing worse than sending a text... and it not being answered... for hours.   At least for me... its irritating as heck!  

I'm the same with phone calls.  If somebody takes the time to call me, I try to make it a rule to call them back either the same day or at the latest the very next day.   Does this always work?  No, but, I have learned that if you continue to do something a certain way... it becomes second nature and you just automatically do it.

Balance... there's no tried or true method to it.  Its something that you have to work on every single day.   There are days when things are more challenging than others and with those days, you just have to be patient and keep trying.   I've always found that by not "sweating the small stuff" and taking deep breaths along the way helps my method.   In my own life, I find myself much happier now that I am practicing balance, making time for conversations and when I respond to those who take time to send me a note.   Sometimes, when you least expect it... balance provides the harmony we all seek every single day.  

“Balance is not better time management, but better boundary management.  Balance means making choices and enjoying those choices.”   – Betsy Jacobson

"I learned that we can do anything, but we can’t do everything.. at least not at the same time. So think of your priorities not in terms of what activities you do, but when you do them. Timing is everything."  Dan Millman